Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Thoko Fights Corruption

        Thoko Fights Corruption

I was sitting on the veranda, studiously contemplating my third brandy of the afternoon, when round the corner swept a pair of pencil blue jeans and a clinging pink top bearing the strident message ‘SOD OFF!’
     ‘Grandpa!’ she crowed, as she bent down to give me a peremptory kiss, ‘Caught you at it! Mummy says the brandy will kill you.’
     ‘Don’t try to divert attention from your own misbehavior,’ I said sternly. ‘It’s Tuesday afternoon and you’re supposed to be in school!’
     ‘I’ve run away from Zambia National High School,’ she declared. ‘I’m now a refugee here in Kalakiland!’
     ‘You mean you decided to Sod Off!’
     ‘Exactly,’ she said. ‘I’m now Secretary of the Secret Society of Sod Off!’
     ‘Congratulations!’ I said, ‘Now go to the kitchen and get yourself a coke, and fetch me another bottle of brandy. Then I’ll grant you asylum.’
     ‘That’s corruption!’ she laughed, as she danced off to the kitchen.
     She was soon back with the two bottles. ‘So,’ I said, ‘I remember you told me about the terrible corruption at that school. Was that why you had to run away?’
     ‘Hah!’ she laughed, ‘it was certainly corrupt, but I don’t think it was any different from other schools. The headmaster was stealing the PTA funds, the boarding master was stealing the food, the prefects were renting out the dormitories, the teachers were sleeping with the Form V girls, the exam papers were on sale beforehand – you know, just the normal sort of things.’
     ‘So what had happened to the School Rules?’
     ‘Look, grandpa,’ laughed Thoko, ‘do you know the meaning of the word corruption? It means that nobody is following the rules! Or rather, there is a completely different set of rules operating.’
     ‘So you got to understand the other set of rules?’
     ‘Oh yes, I soon got to know how it worked. I became a prefect and got my own mattress, helped my friend become a food monitor so I could eat well, bought exam papers at half  price, and got a strong boyfriend to protect me from Speedy Gonzales the Biology Teacher.’
     ‘So you were learning a lot. A real preparation for life after school. What went wrong? Why did you run away?’
     'When we came back this term there was a new headmaster. He said he was going to lead the fight against corruption.’
     ‘That sounds good. Did he put things straight?’
     ‘He just caused confusion. Every morning at assembly he made new announcements. One day old teachers would be fired, and new ones appointed. Then the next day the old ones would be brought back, and the new ones fired. Then the English teacher was told to teach Physics, and the Physics teacher became the English teacher. And so it went on. On day the Chemistry Lab became the Geography Room, but the next week the Geography Room became the Library. Then the Library became the gymnasium, after he has sent all the books to poor children in Botswana. In the end we were all too confused to be corrupt.’
     ‘Perhaps that was a good thing. What was the name of the new headmaster?’
     ‘We used to call him Cycle Mata, because he was always going round in circles.’
     ‘So did he bring back the Old Original School Rules.’
     ‘No. Nobody knew what the Original Rules were, they had been thrown out years ago. And the changing staff and changing curriculum was just causing confusion.’
     ‘The pupils were getting angry.’
     ‘Of course. We were now failing our exams because we didn’t know who was selling genuine illegal papers and who was selling fake illegal papers, and even the teachers didn’t know which were the genuine papers that were supposed to be used for the exam.’
     ‘So what did Cycle Mata try to correct this confusion?’
     ‘He told us all to join a new school organisation called the PF, the Pupils’ Fantasy, and all would be well. The new PF School Secretary was Mr Splinter Kapimbe, and he was appointed to supervise the Deputy Head, poor old Dotty Scotty.’
     ‘And how did Splinter Kapimbe set about setting things straight?’
     ‘He announced that if we saw anybody doing anything corrupt, we should report the matter straight to him, quite ignoring Dotty Scotty or the prefects or the Disciplinary Council.’
     ‘And did Splinter Kapimbe explain what he meant by corrupt behaviour?’
     ‘Yes. He said that we should report any person who did not belong to the PF, or spoke against the PF, because such people were sympathetic to the old regime, were in favour of corruption and were enemies of the school.’
     ‘And what did the pupils think of this Splinter Kapimbe?’
     ‘We never saw him. Some people said he was too small to see. Others said he was a witch who was casting evil spells. Others said that the PF had taken over all the schools, and Splinter Kapimbe was the one in charge of all of them.’
     ‘And you decided to run away?’
     ‘I liked the previous system, where the system was corrupt, but we knew and understood the rules, and could organize our own corruption. But now this Splinter Kapimbe had corrupted corruption so fast that we completely lost control. He was in charge and could change the rules at any minute.’
     ‘A most unsatisfactory education,’ I admitted. ‘So what is your message to Secretary General Splinter Kapimbe?’
     ‘He should just SOD OFF!’ said Thoko. 


  1. This is quite interesting. you never cease to inform and entertain Kalaki. Keep up the good works.

  2. wow nice flow kalaki tho crazy story like u.SOD DOFF!!

  3. Kalaki...SOD OFF! ka...Nail on the Head

  4. this is good , without this man zambia would be boring pliz long lfe to you kalaki

  5. Kalaki for President! I hope you won't SOD OFF because you people always seem promising at the beginning.

  6. Kalaki you are so amazing....what planet are you on??? your imagination always spot-on!! keep up the good work

  7. Welcome to brotherhood Illuminati where you can become
    rich famous and popular and your life story we be change
    totally my name is Dan Jerry I am here to share my
    testimony on how I join the great brotherhood Illuminati
    and my life story was change immediately . I was very poor
    no job and I has no money to even feed and take care of my
    family I was confuse in life I don’t know what to do I try all
    my possible best to get money but no one work out for me
    each day I share tears, I was just looking out my family no
    money to take care of them until one day I decided to join
    the great Illuminati , I come across them in the internet I
    never believe I said let me try I email them.all what they
    said we happen in my life just started it was like a dream to
    me they really change my story totally . They give me the
    sum of $1,200,000 and many thing. through the Illuminati I
    was able to become rich, and have many industry on my
    own and become famous and popular in my country , today
    me and my family is living happily and I am the most
    happiest man here is the opportunity for you to join the
    Illuminati and become rich and famous in life and be like
    other people and you life we be change totally.If you are
    interested in joining the great brotherhood Illuminati.then
    contact him +2348106618681 email:illuminatibrotherpowerful@
    gmail.com or you need my assistance email:danjerry04@gmail.com...

    Do you want to be a member of Illuminati as a brotherhood that will make you rich and famous in the world and have power to control people in the high place in the worldwide .Are you a business man or woman,artist, political, musician, student, do you want to be rich, famous, powerful in life, join the Illuminati brotherhood cult today and get instant rich sum of. 2 million dollars in a week, and a free home. any where you choose to live in this world and also get 20,000,000 U.S dollars monthly as a salary %2026
    1. A Cash Reward of USD $800,000 USD
    2. A New Sleek Dream CAR valued at USD $500,000 USD
    3.A Dream House bought in the country of your own choice
    4. One Month holiday (fully paid) to your dream tourist destination.
    5.One year Golf Membership package
    6.A V.I.P treatment in all Airports in the World 7.A total Lifestyle change 8.Access to Bohemian Grove
    9.Monthly payment of $8,000,000 USD into your bank account every month as a member
    10.One Month booked Appointment with Top 5 world Leaders and Top 5 Celebrities in the World.
    If you are interested of joining us in the great brotherhood illuminati satanic hand symbol contact us now with this number or whatsapp me (+2348083325148 }OR Email- Illuminatimoney66@gmail.com

  9. This is 2018 don't wait to let poverty to take over your life make a change this year 2018 and make thing turn for good .......

    Good news! Are u a business man? Business woman? Politicians? Students?etc and u want to become big powerful and famous in the world join us today the great illuminati society to become one of our official member today you can contact our agent on WhatsApp +2348070899234

    Email: agentlarryilluminati@gmail.com

    Contact our temple e-mail 📧 illuminatination83@gmail.com
    Awaiting for your reply
    Have it in mind you must be upto 18 years old.