tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14901430202089721772024-03-14T16:46:51.004+02:00Kalaki's KornerPolitical satire on current events in Zambia, in the form of a weekly story.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01973714560572754392noreply@blogger.comBlogger214125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1490143020208972177.post-87786874442096411132014-05-07T10:14:00.001+02:002014-05-08T13:17:26.810+02:00Kalaki says goodbye...<div align="center" class="MsoNormalCxSpFirst" style="text-align: center;">
<b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 48.0pt;">Kalaki says goodbye…<o:p></o:p></span></b><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">I had been
snoozing. I opened one eye, only to find a small crowd of people around the
bed. Then I remembered where I was. I was in Ward C21 at the UTH, waiting for
the operation tomorrow. I opened the
other eye. I could see immediately that the people around my bed were my
regular readers. All seven of them. I looked at them angrily. ‘Who told you I
was in here?’ <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘It’s
not a secret that you’re in here,’ said Sally Chawama, ‘There’s even a story in
today’s Daily Nation saying <i>Kalaki says
goodbye to all his readers as he leaves Kalaki’s Korner</i>. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘So
if I’ve already said goodbye,’ I snapped, ‘what are you all doing here? You
want me to say goodbye again. Goodbye. Shalenipo. I’m off!’ I pulled the
blanket over my head.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘That’s
no way to talk to us,’ retorted Stella Sata. ‘All the years we’ve been reading
you and then you just up and off like you don’t even care! And daddy’s very
annoyed, he says you’re the only columnist who really understands him.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘Stella,’
I said, ‘what nonsense you do talk. If anybody understands your daddy it’s only
you, the rest of us are completely mystified.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘You’re
being very rude and most unfair,’ snapped Ruth Henson, who never minces her
words. ‘The story in this morning’s paper says that you’ve left Kalaki’s
Korner, and that you’re in the UTH for a serious operation. We’re very
concerned. We want to know what’s wrong with you.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> I
popped up out of the blanket and pointed a finger at Ruth. ‘I know your little
farm is boring, with nothing to do except talk to the goats, and that you
farmers count hospital visiting as a form of high entertainment, but you can’t
come here asking me what’s wrong with me. I’m not one of your damn goats to be
given a medical examination!’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘Tut
tut,’ said Dodson Siabwanta, as he turned in amazement to Mwila Zaza, ‘this
fellow is just as insolent in real life as he is on the page!’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘I
knew that already,’ cackled Mwila, ‘He’s probably been at the brandy again. In
fact you can be sure that’s why he’s in here. He’s got an enlarged liver.
That’s what happens when you get hooked on the brandy.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘You
can’t just all stand there talking to each other as if I’m not here!’ I shouted
angrily.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘Why
not?’ sneered Symon Zulu, looking round at the other beds. That’s what all the
other visitors are doing, so why should we be any different?’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘More
likely it’s an enlarged belly,’ declared Hope Nyambe as she unceremoniously
prodded me through the blanket. ‘Look at the size of his gut! There could be
all sorts of suspicious enlargements in there.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘It’s
definitely not an enlarged heart,’ laughed Stella. ‘This old man is famously
mean with his money.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘If
it’s not an enlarged liver,’ declared Dodson, ‘it’s more likely an enlarged
prostate. He’s just about the right age for that sort of thing. That’s why he
doesn’t want to tell us what’s wrong. These old men will never admit that their
equipment isn’t working.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘Shut
up, shut up, shut up!’ I sat up and shouted. ‘If you must know, the problem is
that I’ve been suffering from an enlarged sense of humour.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘What
nonsense,’ retorted Ruth. ‘It’s us that suffer from your sense of humour, not
you.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘Look,’
I growled, ‘my job was to use my sense of humour to criticize politicians by
making them look ridiculous. But with this current batch, it just wasn’t
working.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘Why
not?’ wondered Sally. ‘Are they not ridiculous?’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘Of
course they’re all entirely ridiculous,’ I admitted. ‘But the main problem is
that they are extremely dangerous. While I have been making people laugh at
them, I have deflected attention from the serious threat they pose to the
nation.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘So
you need an operation?’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘You
see, as my sense of humour has become enlarged, so it has squeezed all the
other critical organs. My heart has been squeezed smaller, leaving me with
diminished moral sense. My brain has been squeezed, limiting my analytical
abilities. My nails can no longer scratch, my teeth can no longer bite, and my
eyes are now so faded that I can see only the laughable and not the disastrous.
My sense of humour has become so enlarged that it has encroached on all my
other senses! I have no option but to have it amputated! First thing tomorrow
morning!’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> The
next evening they all came to see me again. They found me sitting up in bed,
glass of brandy in hand, reading the <i>Complete
Works of Jurgen Habermas.</i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘My
God!’ exclaimed Mwila, ‘this is very disappointing! We expected you to be still
in a coma, and on a drip!’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘Don’t
interrupt me,’ I hissed, ‘I’m on the crucial chapter of <i>Legitimation Crisis</i>.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘Can’t
we at least see the stitches?’ pleaded Stella.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘There
aren’t any,’ I replied.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘No
stitches,’ they all said sadly. ‘After we’ve come all this way!’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘How
can there be no stitches?’ said Ruth sternly.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘Not
necessary,’ I replied curtly. ‘When it saw the surgeon’s knife, my sense of
humour immediately and completely disappeared.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">This is the
last edition of Kalaki’s Korner. Next month, beginning Wednesday 4<sup>th</sup>
June, Kalaki begins his new career as a political analyst, with a weekly blog
entitled <i>The Spectator.<o:p></o:p></i></span></b></div>
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<!--[endif]--></span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01973714560572754392noreply@blogger.com40tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1490143020208972177.post-55994922949511744182014-04-30T11:03:00.000+02:002014-04-30T11:14:47.918+02:00Let Them Yap!<b style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 48pt;"> Let Them Yap!</span></b><br />
<b style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 48pt;"><br /></span></b>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7WXI-lLZSKWySCjoTGv-V2oId63yttRisNkYD0nVKObpGflRmBelkRAI3WBmdMH9vf4zPxjRLx_j-2U75PM7daenj7C2280Z1E4sZs50Fzoj-z4hQVkmuzt7exAJWjRvZ8gIJuMBujCE/s1600/pinoccio.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7WXI-lLZSKWySCjoTGv-V2oId63yttRisNkYD0nVKObpGflRmBelkRAI3WBmdMH9vf4zPxjRLx_j-2U75PM7daenj7C2280Z1E4sZs50Fzoj-z4hQVkmuzt7exAJWjRvZ8gIJuMBujCE/s1600/pinoccio.jpg" height="492" width="640" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpFirst">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Last Saturday night Sara and I
were at the Playhouse to see the Lusaka Musical Society’s latest masterpiece – ‘Let
Them Yap’. As the curtain rose, there in
the middle of the stage, on his gold throne, sat the magnificent Emperor of Zed.
He was wearing his shimmering golden Chinese suit, a glittering crown on his
head, as he looked down imperiously upon his domain.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">As the orchestra in the pit struck
up with a jolly tune, the Emperor rose to his feet and burst into song:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">I am the Emperor of the Promised Land,<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">My promises are very grand.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">I am an autocratic democrat,<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">I sit and order this and that.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">And if they say I can’t do that,<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">I don’t care! Let them yap!<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">As he was singing, a motley crowd
of people dressed in rags had gathered at the foot of the golden steps leading
to the golden throne. And they answered the Emperor with their own song:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> <i>You are the Emperor of the Promised Land,<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> Your promises slip away like sand.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> You promised a constitution new<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Not a constitutional stew.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> You cannot give us that,<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> This is crap! This is crap!<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">But the Emperor answered them,
singing:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> <i>To ‘fifty percent plus one’ I can agree<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> But only if that one is me!<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> I much prefer ‘first past the post’,<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> If it’s me that gets the most!<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> I promised freedom of expression<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> Except for those in opposition.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> And freedom to assemble anywhere<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> Except in any public square.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> So be careful where you yap<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> Lest you walk right in my trap<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">But the good people of Zed were
not impressed:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> <i>You promised you’d save the kwacha,<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> But the kwacha came a cropper.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">You promised all prosperity,<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> But all we have is poverty.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> You are the Emperor of Zed,<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> But all your promises are dead.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Now the Emperor looked a bit sad,
and tried to explain himself…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> <i>I promised more hospitals, but the curse is,<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> I have no medicines, doctors or
nurses.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> As all my promises slip away,<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> I have other things to fill my day.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> As my ambition grows and grows<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> I just build more roads and roads.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> Roads to here and roads to there,<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> I build roads everywhere.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">But as he was singing, a gang of
thugs in fake military uniforms and red berets came shouting into the palace, and
the protesters ran screaming for their lives. The audience clapped and cheered,
shouting ‘More! More!’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">So now the Golden Emperor walked
to the front of the stage, danced a little jig, and then sang a confidential
little song for our additional entertainment:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> <i>I promise employment for the youth,<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> Especially those long in the tooth.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> I’ll put an end to all corruption,<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> But for my friends I’ll make
exception.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> The rule of law I will preserve,<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> Except for laws which don’t deserve.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> I grant to women the freedom to be
bold,<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> So long as they do as they’re told.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> The number of my ministers will be
fewer,<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> Except for those coming from the
sewer.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> Once a year I’ll meet the press,<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> Once a year, more or less.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> I shall maintain law and order,<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> Except for panga mayhem and murder.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> And I grant to all the right to yap!<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> Let them yap! Let them yap! Let them
yap!<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">He danced a little jig as the
curtain came down, and we all stood up and clapped and cheered. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpFirst">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">‘It’s all so easy in the theatre’
said Sara. ‘But in real life, it’s a big problem to bring down the curtain.’<i><o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01973714560572754392noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1490143020208972177.post-59878095695680111522014-04-23T08:25:00.000+02:002014-04-23T09:15:26.344+02:00Blood in the Bathroom<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 6pt; text-align: center;">
<b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 36.0pt;">Blood in the
Bathroom<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 6pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 6pt;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj7hFGdB2K-CL155y56qQbTv58YVuIr34mhx743gefXYYdkvwTL1K0ELYpCrek4psx_Fll9RCf_fIGMyNCkf1tNs_R8AhWKzKbNUg67ilemi73Zcjjg0lAy85EaPX3Juj2stXcCUySk5qU/s1600/pistorious.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj7hFGdB2K-CL155y56qQbTv58YVuIr34mhx743gefXYYdkvwTL1K0ELYpCrek4psx_Fll9RCf_fIGMyNCkf1tNs_R8AhWKzKbNUg67ilemi73Zcjjg0lAy85EaPX3Juj2stXcCUySk5qU/s1600/pistorious.jpg" height="640" width="368" /></a><b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Michael Pistorius, Defendant: </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">My
Lady, I heard a noise from the bathroom, I thought somebody was climbing in
through the bathroom window.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 6pt;">
<b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Kalaki Nel, Prosecutor: </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Why
should anybody want to climb in through your bathroom window?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 6pt;">
<b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Michael: </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">My
Lady, so many people wanted to kidnap my girlfriend, the beautiful
Constitution. My lady, I had sworn to protect my Constitution, but I had
enemies who wanted to abduct her and misuse and abuse her. So when I heard a
noise from the bathroom, My Lady, I was terrified. In the pitch black of the
night, I picked up my gun, then picked up my legs, and moved stealthily to the
bathroom.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 6pt;">
<b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Kalaki Nel: </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Mr
Pistorius, who are these enemies you are so afraid of?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 6pt;">
<b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Michael: </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">They
are so many, My Lady. But the worst is Technical Committee. He has sworn to steal
my Constitution from me, and subject her to his will and base lusts and
desires, and to turn her into his slave. My Lady, I had to protect my beautiful
Constitution.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 6pt;">
<b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Kalaki Nel: </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">And
tell, Mr Pistorius, why were you so in love with your Constitution?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 6pt;">
<b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Michael: </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">My
lady, when I am with my Constitution I am a real man. She gives me my power. With
my beautiful Constitution everybody looks up to me, I command the universe, and
people obey my every command. This Technical Committee wanted to steal my
power. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 6pt;">
<b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Kalaki Nel: </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">So
now, without your Constitution, you are a broken man?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 6pt;">
<b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Michael: </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Yes,
My Lady. <i>(Sobs for a couple of minutes
into his handkerchief)</i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 6pt;">
<b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Kalaki Nel: </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">OK,
so now you reach for your gun and make for the bathroom. Was Constitution lying
on the bed?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 6pt;">
<b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Michael: </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">No,
My Lady, she was not on the bed.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 6pt;">
<b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Kalaki Nel: </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Ha
ha, how do you know that? You said the night was pitch black!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 6pt;">
<b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Michael: </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">She
always slept under the bed, My Lady, she was so afraid of Technical Committee.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 6pt;">
<b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Kalaki Nel:</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">
So did you look under the bed to check if she was there?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 6pt;">
<b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Michael: </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Yes,
My Lady. But I couldn’t see her because the night was pitch black.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 6pt;">
<b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Kalaki Nel: </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">So
you went to the bathroom door and fired four shots straight through it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 6pt;">
<b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Michael: </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Yes,
My Lady. I had to protect my Constitution.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 6pt;">
<b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Kalaki Nel: </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Did
anybody scream?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 6pt;">
<b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Michael: </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Yes
My Lady, I screamed because I was terrified. Then I screamed at Constitution to
phone the Panga Force on 991. But she didn’t reply. It was then that I became
terrified that I had shot my beloved Constitution.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; margin-bottom: 6pt; vertical-align: baseline;">
<b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Kalaki Nel: </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Then you went
and got your panga and hacked a hole in the door, only to find our beautiful
Constitution blown to pieces, with blood all over the bathroom floor.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; margin-bottom: 6pt; vertical-align: baseline;">
<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Now
a court official obligingly placed a green plastic bucket in front of Michael,
so that he could have a prolonged vomit. After he had finally recovered himself
the cross-examination continued…</span></i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; margin-bottom: 6pt; vertical-align: baseline;">
<b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Kalaki Nel: </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I put it to
you, Mr Pistorius, that you have misled this court. I put it to you that our
beloved Constitution did not come to your house of her own free will, but you
kidnapped her and brought her to your house.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 6pt;">
<b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Michael: </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">No,
My Lady, it’s not true. I always respected my beloved Constitution, she came to
my house to give me a Valentine’s present.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 6pt;">
<b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Kalaki Nel: </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I
put it to you, Mr Pistorius, that you wanted an opportunity to accuse her of breaking
her promises to you. You were jealous because she had left you and was instead
dating Technical Committee. And you were also in a rage because Technical
Committee had transformed her by the power of love. She was so now so beautiful
and so admired by everybody that she became known as People’s Constitution. But
you were so jealous that you kidnapped her, to get her back.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 6pt;">
<b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Michael: </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">It’s
not true, My Lady. I never kidnapped her. She came to visit me because she
loved me.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 6pt;">
<b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Kalaki Nel: </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I
put it to you, Mr Pistorius, that you had a shouting match with Constitution
that night, because you had fallen into a jealous rage after she left you for
Technical Committee. When she refused to come back to you, you threatened her
with a gun.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 6pt;">
<b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Michael: </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">No,
My Lady. That was not possible. I loved my Constitution.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 6pt;">
<b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Kalaki Nel: </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">And
when she tried to run away from you, and locked herself in the bathroom, you
fired through the door and murdered her.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 6pt;">
<b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Michael: </span></b><i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">(Head in hands, sobbing) </span></i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">No,
no, no, My Lady. I thought I was protecting my beloved Constitution from
Technical Committee who had come to abduct her. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 6pt;">
<b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Kalaki Nel: </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">No,
no, no! It seems that everything is no, Mr Pistorius! But perhaps on one thing
we can agree: The People’s Constitution is now dead.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 6pt;">
<b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Michael: </span></b><i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">(Now slowly looking up towards
the judge) </span></i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Yes, My Lady, on that we can agree. The
People’s Constitution is now dead.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 6pt;">
<b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Kalaki Nel: </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">And
you murdered her.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 6pt;">
<b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Michael: </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">No,
My Lady, it was an accident.<i> <o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01973714560572754392noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1490143020208972177.post-7541879896273110212014-04-15T20:54:00.000+02:002014-04-15T21:53:38.547+02:00PUBLIC ALERT: PEOPLE'S CONSTITUTION<br />
<div align="center" class="MsoNormalCxSpFirst" style="text-align: center;">
<b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Office of the Public Protector<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormalCxSpFirst" style="text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj1bNKa_El9reFuPTCi1MljRILlKuEs5dd1Xh_3XmCQ2Rz1eEdja74fMr80ZQNrhRRC1HK6f1Lxm1jIAutDhwZ9bfN9sb3JbAwE_1uaMg95GfjCEedC68xDVcSG18DdOPMkeaAfAscULuc/s1600/Graphic2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj1bNKa_El9reFuPTCi1MljRILlKuEs5dd1Xh_3XmCQ2Rz1eEdja74fMr80ZQNrhRRC1HK6f1Lxm1jIAutDhwZ9bfN9sb3JbAwE_1uaMg95GfjCEedC68xDVcSG18DdOPMkeaAfAscULuc/s1600/Graphic2.jpg" height="200" width="188" /></a></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormalCxSpFirst" style="text-align: center;">
<b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 20.0pt;"><br /></span></b>
<b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: x-large;"><br /></span></b>
<b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: x-large;">PUBLIC ALERT</span></b></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-align: center;">
<b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 26.0pt;">Theft of the People’s Constitution<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">INFORMATION
TO THE PUBLIC: </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">This notice
serves to put the nation on public alert that the People’s Constitution has
been stolen. This theft was perpetrated by persons as yet unknown, but known to
be purposely acting against the will of the people with a view to usurping legitimate
government. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">CALL
TO ACTION: </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">This
information is therefore a call to action to prevent the completion of a coup
d’etat, where a small group of criminals are attempting to capture state power
in order to distribute state resources entirely amongst themselves.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">DUTY
TO SEARCH: </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">In
order to avert this constitutional crisis, all citizens are called upon to
conduct a national search to find the missing People’s Constitution. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">NEED
TO EXCLUDE INVESTIGATORY AGENCIES:</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> Unfortunately the existing state
investigatory agencies cannot be called upon to participate in this search, since
there is a strong possibility that the coup d’etat process is already in the
process of taking place, so that these agencies must be presumed to be already
taking orders from the perpetrators of the theft. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">PLACES
TO SEARCH: </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Given the nature
of the crime, the first places to search are the grounds, homes and offices of rogue
government officials, who are the prime suspects in this crime. Since the
intention of the thieves is to bury the People’s Constitution, the first search
priority should be large government lawns, especially those along Independence
Avenue, which should be systematically dug up.
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">ORGANISATION
OF THE SEARCH: </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">The
search is being organized by the Church, where plans are communicated by
whispering during Sunday morning prayers. Under no circumstances should you use
cell-phones or e-mail to discuss search organization, since it must be assumed
that all electronic means of communication are controlled by the gang of
thieves.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">ACTION
IF FOUND: </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">In the event
that you find the People’s Constitution, you should under no account take it to
your local police station, where you would be arrested for theft. You should
instead take the Constitution to your nearest Catholic Church, or otherwise
give it to the Bishop of your diocese.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">APPREHENSION
OF SUSPECTS: </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">In the event
that you identify suspects on whose property the People’s Constitution was
found, do not attempt to apprehend the suspects or to take them to the police
station or to bring them before a court of law. Due to the current undermining
of legitimate authority by rogue elements within government, these institutions
are not employed to protect people from criminals, but instead are employed to
protect criminals from the people. A document setting out the people’s rights
is therefore a direct challenge to their authority.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">ROADMAP
FOR RETURN TO LEGITIMATE GOVERNMENT: </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Since the Church
is now the only remaining venue for the voice of the people to be heard, the
People’s Constitution will be put to a referendum by public acclamation at
church meetings to be held on the Sunday after the People’s Constitution has
been restored to the people. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">PENALTIES
FOR THE THEFT: </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Once
the People’s Constitution has been approved, and legitimate government
restored, all the people suspected of the earlier theft of the People’s
Constitution will be charged with treason in the newly established Court of the
People.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;">Signed: </span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgaMhhSs1yEiEgBwExSyLSchrEKWG4LF3z30Y_nBiIkmnqmpvrY7Xi6Jmp8KKw3fuAe17tfid69DqbiqDx9y1iQU5rsj7gzKk1joUkgoUuXItD470xdDVCwCR6rF1WzX8TWrKZhk_mP3hQ/s1600/Graphic1.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgaMhhSs1yEiEgBwExSyLSchrEKWG4LF3z30Y_nBiIkmnqmpvrY7Xi6Jmp8KKw3fuAe17tfid69DqbiqDx9y1iQU5rsj7gzKk1joUkgoUuXItD470xdDVCwCR6rF1WzX8TWrKZhk_mP3hQ/s1600/Graphic1.JPG" height="59" width="200" /></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 14pt;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 14pt;"><b>Archbishop Spectator Kalaki</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"><b>Public Protector.<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01973714560572754392noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1490143020208972177.post-69554148294139148982014-04-09T23:30:00.000+02:002014-04-10T09:06:16.635+02:00A Strange Disappearance<div align="center" class="MsoNormalCxSpFirst" style="text-align: center;">
<b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 36.0pt;">A Strange Disappearance<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 14pt; text-align: center; text-indent: 0.5in;"> </span><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjiDmddpmmtuUhuvYmi9Q8cSDFsdSzZfoQrT-BK0q0_1zo9SxUQxBEZ1sRYR3KHSflpa-xDmpWXfLi5c4KF4UDemqoEyIGL2xgIm34RI3ZOfei62qZFl6w4qD7mZgH-bkBwkweT2v9VVc8/s1600/set+1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjiDmddpmmtuUhuvYmi9Q8cSDFsdSzZfoQrT-BK0q0_1zo9SxUQxBEZ1sRYR3KHSflpa-xDmpWXfLi5c4KF4UDemqoEyIGL2xgIm34RI3ZOfei62qZFl6w4qD7mZgH-bkBwkweT2v9VVc8/s1600/set+1.jpg" height="520" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 14pt;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 14pt;"> ‘Have you heard the latest?’ asked Kupela. ‘Michael seems to have disappeared again.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 14pt;"> ‘Are you saying he has completely evaporated?’ Sara wondered. ‘Or that he disappeared from one place in order to re-appear somewhere else?’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 14pt;"> ‘Obviously I mean that he seems to have disappeared from Zambia,’ Kupela retorted. ‘Don’t pretend you don’t know what I mean.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 14pt;"> ‘So where has he reappeared?’ asked Sara.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 14pt;"> ‘I didn’t say that I knew where he had gone. All I’m saying is that nobody has seen him since he was supposed to have come back from Brussels last Friday.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 14pt;"> ‘But how can you possibly know that nobody has seen him? Or do you just mean that you haven’t seen him? Were you supposed to have lunch with him or what?’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 14pt;">‘Your mother has got a point,’ I said. ‘I mean, taking another example, you haven’t seen us for a couple of weeks, but did you suspect that we had disappeared? Luckily lots of other people have seen us during the past two weeks, so we haven’t been worried that we had disappeared.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 14pt;">‘Look,’ said Kupela irritably, ‘I’m not talking about two retirees in Chainda not being seen. I’m talking about the president, who we expect to see on TV or facebook. Why didn’t we see him being greeted at the airport when he got back from Brussels? Why has there been nothing on George Chellah’s facebook page, leaving ZNBC without any news to report? Without the latest news on Michael murdering the constitution we have had to listen to the latest news on Oscar Pistorius murdering his girlfriend. And this is not the first time.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 14pt;">‘Not the first time Oscar has murdered his girlfriend?’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 14pt;">‘Not the first time Michael has disappeared after attending a conference. ’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 14pt;">‘After the previous conference he didn’t disappear,’ laughed Sara, ‘he was seen by Zambian doctors in London. Being a patriotic fellow, he didn’t want to be seen by foreign doctors, so he had to go to London.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 14pt;">‘Look,’ I said, ‘even if Michael has disappeared from George Chellah’s facebook page it doesn’t mean that he has disappeared from Zambia. And even if Michael had departed to some secret destination, Chellah could easily have written a few lies about Michael being in Zambia, busy consulting with his advisers, or whatever.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 14pt;">‘That’s exactly why I think he has disappeared!’ replied Kupela. ‘If Chellah actually knew where Michael really was, he could easily have made up a plausible lie. But to tell a good lie you need to know what the truth actually is. So the absence of any story on facebook means that he doesn’t know the truth either! That’s why I say Michael has disappeared.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 14pt;">‘So what’s your theory about what has happened to him?’ I asked.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 14pt;">‘The last report we have from Michael was on the Real Michael Sata facebook page on Friday, when Michael reported that he was stranded at Amsterdam airport after George Chellah ran off with an air hostess, accidentally taking with him all the tickets for the entire entourage. After that, all was silence. And then, later in the day, it was reported that flight MS370 from Amsterdam to Johannesburg had disappeared from radar screens and was last seen headed for the Indian Ocean.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 14pt;">‘Ha ha,’ I laughed. ‘Now we have an even less believable version of Michael’s disappearance story. If I am not on a radar screen, does it mean I have disappeared?’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 14pt;">‘And if he disappeared from Chellah’s facebook page,’ laughed Sara, ‘that was more likely because Chellah was fired after running off with the tickets.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 14pt;">‘If that were the case,’ persisted Kupela. ‘Why haven’t we been given the TV entertainment of Michael firing Chellah? And why no questions in the media about Michael’s strange disappearance? What’s going on?’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 14pt;">‘If there were any mystery about his whereabouts,’ I said, ‘Watchdog would tell us where he really is.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 14pt;">‘That concludes my argument,’ declared Kupela triumphantly. ‘He has disappeared so completely that even Watchdog doesn’t know where he is!’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 14pt;">‘You are suffering from a lack of logic,’ I laughed. ‘It is always impossible to prove a negative proposition. Just because Michael is not seen does not prove that he has disappeared. It just means that nobody has seen him.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 14pt;">‘So what’s your explanation for nobody seeing him?’ asked Kupela.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 14pt;">‘There’s an infinite number of possible explanations,’ I said. ‘It may be that he is being hidden for reasons of economic and political stability. For example, every time he opens his mouth the value of the kwacha goes down. Every time he fires a few ministers, investors say the government is unstable. Every time he threatens a bishop he loses more votes from the Catholics. Every time he campaigns at a by-election his party loses the seat. So perhaps his handlers have finally realized that it is better to lock him up in a cellar in State House where he can’t cause any more trouble.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 14pt;">‘We’re missing the news,’ I said, as I turned on the TV, ‘Perhaps he’s back.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 14pt;">And sure enough, there he stood, his angry eyes fixed upon the nation, saying ‘Those demanding for the constitution are just yapping. Let them yap!’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 14pt;">‘It’s him that does all the yapping,’ Sara laughed. ‘Our job is just to listen to him yap.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 14pt;">‘Oh dear,’ I said, ‘the kwacha is going to sink again.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 14pt;">‘I’m so disappointed,’ said Kupela, ‘I really thought he was gone for good.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 14pt;">‘Never mind,’ said Sara, ‘at least we all had a nice little holiday.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01973714560572754392noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1490143020208972177.post-4031963513970161672014-04-02T10:32:00.000+02:002014-04-02T10:32:00.316+02:00Action Man in Brussels<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<b><span lang="EN" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 36.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN;">Action Man in Brussels<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<span lang="EN" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN;"> </span><span lang="EN" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I know you’re all waiting to hear the news of what I’ve
been doing in Brussels, and how I am representing my country at the centre of
power of the European Union. George Chellah is supposed to be giving you all
the news on the ‘His Excellency’ page, but he hasn’t written anything for the
past three days. He went shopping with Christine on Saturday and I haven’t seen
either of them since. Anyway, his stories are all fake, he just makes them up.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> So I thought, as your Action Man, I should
just do the job myself and tell you what’s going on here. All the members of my
official delegation are completely useless. That’s why we got here three days
to early, they got the dates mixed up. My press aide is particularly useless,
even by the prevailing standards of uselessness. But don’t worry, despite all
this, your Action Man has been very active, and will tell you what is
happening.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> I am staying at a seedy little hotel
in the centre of Brussels, called the Hotel Plaza, which has its front door
right on the pavement, with no garden, no carpark, nothing except a rather
smelly carpet in the foyer. How can an entire president be accommodated in such
a place?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> And what is worse, the hotel is right
next to the red light district. That’s why my security men disappeared on
Saturday night and I haven’t seen them since. When I came down to breakfast
this morning I was the only one in the dining room, apart from a disheveled
travelling salesman from Malta and a family of Somalian refugees from Mogadishu.
I know a lot about them because we are all sharing the same bathroom.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> I had come to scale the Summit of
European power, but have fallen into this fusty smelly boarding house. But
never mind, despite all this, I am here to represent the power and energy of
the Zambian government. Your Action Man is here to put Brussels to rights.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> So I sat down and signaled a waiter to
take my order for breakfast. He came over rather slowly and reluctantly and
said ‘Yes, sir, is there a problem?’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> So I said to the insolent fellow, I
said ‘Yes, you useless lumpen, there are two problems. Firstly I am My
Excellency and you should address me as Your Excellency. And secondly you’re
supposed to ask me what I want for breakfast.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘I’m sorry there seems to be some
mistake,’ he answered, ‘I am not much interested in what you want for
breakfast. That is entirely a matter for you to decide.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘Look here,’ I shouted, ‘How can you
bring me my breakfast if you don’t know what I want?’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘I’m sorry there seems to be some
mistake,’ he repeated like a robot. ‘There is a selection of food on that long
table over there and all you have to do is to go and select some for yourself.
Here in Belgium we call it a buffet.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘What an insult to a person of my
position!’ I shouted. ‘I am His Excellency, bring my breakfast!’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘There seems to be some mistake,’
repeated the robot, ‘I only bring food in the case of physical disability or
mental impairment. Do you have a medical certificate?’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘Insolence!’ I shouted. ‘I’ve heard
enough! I demand to see the Head Waiter!’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘I am the Head Waiter,’ replied the
robot.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘Then bring me the Hotel Manager!’ I
demanded.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘I am also the Hotel Manager,’ he
replied. ‘This is a small hotel.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> This was when your Action Man swung
into action, and spoke for the national interest. I marched straight down to
the foyer to make some important announcements, as a small crowd gathered to
watch a real Excellency taking command of a crisis situation.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘The staff of this hotel are all
useless. The waiter is useless. The Head waiter is useless. And the Hotel
Manager is completely useless. They are all fired with immediate effect. In
order to honour my promises to the people of Zambia to provide employment, the
waiter will be replaced by twenty-five kaponya from Chawama. The government will
set up a new Waiter Training College in Amsterdam to ensure proper training. I
am hereby ordering my Minister of Finance to find the funds for a new road from
Amsterdam to Brussels to facilitate travel from the college to the hotel. The
Permanent Secretary of Muchinga Province is with immediate effect transferred
to the Plaza Hotel as Managing Director, to be assisted by the entire PF
provincial committee of Muchinga, who are all appointed Senior Hotel Managers.
And just as the Congo was once a province of Belgium, I hereby declare that
Brussels is now a province of Muchinga…’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> But as I was busy correcting the
situation, into the foyer waltzed Christine and George. ‘What on Earth is this
meeting all about?’ asked Christine.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘I’m just preparing for the Summit by
first sorting out this hotel,’ I explained.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘I’ve just heard the Summit has been
cancelled,’ said Christine. ‘Your friend Mugabe organized a boycott, nobody
else is coming.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘Ha ha,’ I laughed, ‘nice try. But I
had already noticed that today is April 1<sup>st</sup>!’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01973714560572754392noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1490143020208972177.post-61552238223039601702014-03-26T11:50:00.002+02:002014-03-26T11:51:09.426+02:00The Real Michael Sata Reveals All<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 24.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">The Real Michael Sata
Reveals All...<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01973714560572754392noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1490143020208972177.post-14183995783633580092014-03-18T22:00:00.001+02:002014-03-18T23:13:04.711+02:00The Real Michael Sata<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0rUHXqnmKpOf_VUvo_OAcL60UGT8JYfVPuvPunbZ9-9iY3LCVn0Wm4duvmV0lByl3W2y3iin8M6KSCvo2MonHyEaf6MtPAI0ORvNvP69f23NJafsA27HRXLOZsJA9gPCNPq3Ka2LXq6M/s1600/Graphic1.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0rUHXqnmKpOf_VUvo_OAcL60UGT8JYfVPuvPunbZ9-9iY3LCVn0Wm4duvmV0lByl3W2y3iin8M6KSCvo2MonHyEaf6MtPAI0ORvNvP69f23NJafsA27HRXLOZsJA9gPCNPq3Ka2LXq6M/s1600/Graphic1.JPG" /></a></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01973714560572754392noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1490143020208972177.post-322119029316298352014-03-04T19:56:00.000+02:002014-03-04T21:20:25.542+02:00Constitution! Constitution! Constoootion!<div align="center" class="MsoNormalCxSpFirst" style="text-align: center;">
<b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 36.0pt;">Constitution! Constitution! Constoootion!<o:p></o:p></span></b><br />
<b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 36.0pt;"><br /></span></b></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjegDBIz7hdIJolyloAHb5URqBAkKV7eD61peXmldC4sUC6OK3NdRs93fP1aCHQG_Y5NGOM2yk-sNoJJRoqX64JdcTx9cX_cMtbuqcvrgh1RcagkomLmxgGwsX0jww76l1GEMgV1E9NMuo/s1600/kalaki+constitution.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjegDBIz7hdIJolyloAHb5URqBAkKV7eD61peXmldC4sUC6OK3NdRs93fP1aCHQG_Y5NGOM2yk-sNoJJRoqX64JdcTx9cX_cMtbuqcvrgh1RcagkomLmxgGwsX0jww76l1GEMgV1E9NMuo/s1600/kalaki+constitution.jpg" height="640" width="382" /></a></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormalCxSpFirst" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 16pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 16pt;">‘Now that you’ve finished your
breakfast,’ said the Queen, as she peered over her copy of the Daily Nation
which was propped up against the teapot, ‘Don’t forget to take your pills. The
brown one is for your prostate, the yellow one for your kidneys, the green one
for your blood pressure, the white one for your heart, and the bright red one
is for your temper.’</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘I shall swallow them all,’ said His
Excellency King Chumbu. ‘I have to keep fit and healthy in order to rule the
nation!’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘It says here,’ said the Queen,
reading from the newspaper, ‘that the students are rioting again because they
haven’t been paid their allowances.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘That reminds me,’ said the King,
‘that nephew of yours that got redirected from Yunza, what’s his name?’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘Kakokotwa?’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘Yes, him. Is he still unemployed?’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘Yes. For the past three years.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘I think I’ll make him the Governor of
the Bank.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘Hah,’ laughed the Queen, ‘he can’t
even understand simple arithmetic!’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘Then I could make him my Ambassador
to Peru!’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘We don’t have an embassy in Peru!’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘Then we must build one! I’ll ask old
Uncle Alex to get another loan from the World Bank!’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘It says here,’ said the Queen,
pointing at her newspaper, ‘that yesterday parliament was surrounded by armed
police and…’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> But just then the King’s phone rang.
He rummaged for the phone in his dressing gown pocket. ‘Yes, you are speaking
to His Excellency … What? … Chief Kukumukulu? … Escaped from his hut? … Then I
order you to put the entire army on full alert! Declare a State of Emergency!
Confiscate all bicycles!’ Then he turned back to the Queen, ‘You were saying
something, Your Royal Highness?’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘Yes, Your Excellency, I was just
saying that parliament seems to be in a turmoil over the new…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘But the phone rang again. ‘What? … Well
arrest him! … ‘What for? Just find an
offence and charge him with it! … Search his house and find something! … Call
in the Trumped Up Charges Commission!’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> He turned angrily to the Queen.
‘That’s the last time I’m putting one of your relatives in charge of the
police. Let’s send them all to Peru! We’ll build a very big embassy!’ <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘I was trying to tell you, dearest,’
said the Queen gently, ‘that parliament is up in arms, saying that you have
swallowed the Constitution!’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘Don’t you worry your little head
about them, My Dearest Queen, that place is just an empty talking shop. I am
the one in charge!’ So saying, he puffed out his little chest and declared ‘As
the King I am supposed to swallow the Constitution. I am the Constitution! I
have all the powers in my person!’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘But parliament is saying that your
powers are fading and you no longer have a strong Constitution,’ said the
Queen, pointing at the newspaper. ‘This editorial says you are preoccupied with
trivial issues while the country is going to rack and ruin. They want a new Constitution.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> Now King Chumbu rose in all his fury
and stood on his dining room chair, grandly addressing his empty dining room as
if it were the entire world, and pointing to the various parts of his royal person
to illustrate the parts of the Constitution. ‘With this brain, I am the
Executive. With this Heart, I am the Judiciary! With this right arm I am the
army! With this other arm I am the Panga Force! With this right foot, I am the
Police Farce! With these eyes I am the Shushushu who peers into every bedroom.
With this bladder I piss on all my critics! With this voice I speak for the
people! With these boots I shall trample on this cheeky parliament…’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> But as he explained it all so
eloquently to himself, a rising chant could be heard from the other side of the
palace walls, ‘Constitution! Constitution! Constitution!’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘But with your ears,’ said the Queen
quietly, ‘you are unable to hear the voice of the people. Your Constitution is
fading. You are losing control. You can’t even control the Paramount Chief
Kukumukulu.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> The King remained standing on his
chair, addressing his invisible supporters. ‘I am the King. I am the State. My
constitution is the State Constitution. I have all the powers!’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> But outside the chant grew louder as
the protesters entered the palace grounds. ‘Constitution! Constitution!
Constitution! We want a People’s Constitution! Not the King’s Constitution!’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘I am the King,’ shouted the King, his
eyes now bulging and his face turning purple. Then he fell down flat on the
floor. His Constitution had collapsed.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> The Queen immediately summoned all the
doctors and nurses who were always on hand to attend the ailing king. ‘The time
has come,’ she told them, ‘for the operation.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> When the king came round from the anesthetic
he was covered in bandages and sustained by three different drips and a tube of
oxygen. ‘It was a long transplant operation,’ the Queen whispered to him. ‘We
have given you an ordinary people’s Constitution. That King’s Constitution has
been removed, and turned into a book which explains the various
responsibilities which will now be done by different people, because they were all
too much for one man.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘So what job remains for me?’ asked
the thin little voice of what remained of the King.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘You will take the salute at all march-pasts,’
explained the Queen. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘Will I have to hold press
conferences?’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘My poor dearest little Chumbu,’ she
said, putting a kindly hand on his head, ‘even when you had all your powers, you
were too frightened to hold a press conference.’ <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;"> </span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01973714560572754392noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1490143020208972177.post-41417495366512810662014-02-26T06:43:00.000+02:002014-02-26T08:49:26.769+02:00An Animal-Driven Constitution<div align="center" class="MsoNormalCxSpFirst" style="text-align: center;">
<b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 36.0pt;">An Animal-Driven Constitution<o:p></o:p></span></b><br />
<b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 36.0pt;"><br /></span></b></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3fdD0056wKqAojqQGXB3WuZqRgsPQD9mO6WcXenVI640BbIIdU1H9UbTH_aPkUx5QOacbWeXTwR2OTdkhkf1isixrjvYFZNrOknS5kN4n3VgFQ1Jlt5x98ldLiRU76vi5guulsT64qn0/s1600/animal+constitution.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3fdD0056wKqAojqQGXB3WuZqRgsPQD9mO6WcXenVI640BbIIdU1H9UbTH_aPkUx5QOacbWeXTwR2OTdkhkf1isixrjvYFZNrOknS5kN4n3VgFQ1Jlt5x98ldLiRU76vi5guulsT64qn0/s1600/animal+constitution.jpg" height="448" width="640" /></a></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormalCxSpFirst" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"></span><i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘Grandpa,’ said Nawiti, ‘tell me
another story about the awful King Chimbwi.’<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘The
most awful story about the awful King Chimbwi is called <b>The Animal-Driven Constitution</b>,’I replied.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘Grandpa,
what’s a constootion?’<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘Listen
to the story,’ I replied, ‘then you’ll find out.’<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> A long time ago, most of the animals
in Africa lived in a beautiful paradise in the Lower Zambezi Valley, in a
country called Chiawa, which was ruled over by the rough and bossy King
Chimbwi.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> One day, when the animals met at their
watering hole, they began to discuss the problems they were having with King
Chimbwi. They had to discuss in whispers, for fear of attack by the king’s
secret police, his wild dogs and jackals.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘We are living in the forest like
animals,’ complained Monkey, ‘while the King lives in a huge palace and eats us
one by one.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘Not only that,’ said Lion, ‘but he
has let in these humans with their guns, and they are killing us like Sitting
Ducks.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘I’m not a Sitting Duck,’ said Duck,
‘I can fly.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘These humans are cutting down all the
trees and giving money to the King. Soon we shall have no forest to live in,’
said Giraffe.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘The King never listens to us,’ said
Zebra, ‘he only listens to his friends, the wild dogs and jackals who come
looking for us at night.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘There is only one thing to do,’ said
Elephant gravely. ‘We must draw up a Constitution and give it to the King!’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘A Constootion?’ said all the other
animals. ‘What’s that?’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘A Constitution,’ explained Elephant,
‘is a set of rules on how the king must govern this country. Now he has all the
power and thinks he can do anything, however foolish or murderous. We the
animals must write a Constitution so that he is brought under control. That is
what is meant by an Animal-Driven Constitution.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> So that’s what the animals did. But it
was a long and difficult job because most of the animals couldn’t read or
write. And they had to do the job secretly, so that the wild dogs and jackals didn’t
find out. But finally, after twenty years, the animals wrote out the ten rules
of their Constitution on white bark cloth made from an Acacia Tree. And this is
what it said: <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpLast">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> <b>Rules
of the Constitution<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">1.<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; font-weight: normal;"> </span></span></b><!--[endif]--><b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">All
animals are equal<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">2.<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; font-weight: normal;"> </span></span></b><!--[endif]--><b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">No
animal shall be above the law<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">3.<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; font-weight: normal;"> </span></span></b><!--[endif]--><b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">All
animals must obey the law<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">4.<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; font-weight: normal;"> </span></span></b><!--[endif]--><b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">All
animals have freedom of expression<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">5.<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; font-weight: normal;"> </span></span></b><!--[endif]--><b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">All
animals have right of assembly<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">6.<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; font-weight: normal;"> </span></span></b><!--[endif]--><b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">All
animals shall have freedom of movement<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">7.<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; font-weight: normal;"> </span></span></b><b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Elephants
shall protect animals from the King <o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">8.<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; font-weight: normal;"> </span></span></b><!--[endif]--><b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">No
humans shall be allowed into the Kingdom<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">9.<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; font-weight: normal;"> </span></span></b><!--[endif]--><b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Any
animal may be elected King, provided his parents are Chiawan<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">10.<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; font-weight: normal;"> </span></span></b><b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">No
King may rule for more than 5 years<o:p></o:p></span></b><br />
<b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"><br /></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpFirst">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> Armed with their Constitution, they
all went to the palace, where they found King Chimbwi rolling in the grass with
one of his forty-nine concubines. And Elephant said solemnly ‘Oh King Chimbwi,
we the animals of Chiawa, have brought you a Constitution.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘A Constootion?’ said the King
gruffly. ‘What’s that? Can I eat it?’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘It sets out the rules by which we the
animals demand to be governed,’ said Elephant calmly. ‘It is an Animal-Driven
Constitution.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘Of course it is,’ scoffed the King.
‘Whoever heard of a Human-Driven Constootion!’ And so saying, he opened his
large mouth and swallowed it, washing it down with a bucket of chibuku. ‘Maybe
this Constootion will cure my Constipation. I have swallowed it so that I can
digest it properly. And when I have fully digested it, and ruminated upon it,
we shall one day see it again, and then I shall nail it to the palace wall.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> And all the Animals waited another
twenty years for their Constitution, because the Constipation of the King was
very severe, so things moved very slowly at the palace. But finally, after
another twenty years, the Constitution reappeared, nailed to the palace wall.
The once beautiful white bark cloth was now badly soiled and smelly, and on it
was written:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.25in;">
<b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> Rules of the Constitution<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">1.<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; font-weight: normal;"> </span></span></b><!--[endif]--><b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">All
animals are equal, but the King is more equal<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">2.<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; font-weight: normal;"> </span></span></b><!--[endif]--><b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">The
King shall be above the law<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">3.<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; font-weight: normal;"> </span></span></b><!--[endif]--><b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">All
animals shall obey the King<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">4.<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; font-weight: normal;"> </span></span></b><!--[endif]--><b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Only
the King shall have freedom of expression<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">5.<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; font-weight: normal;"> </span></span></b><!--[endif]--><b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">All
animals have right of assembly, in groups of no more than two<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">6.<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; font-weight: normal;"> </span></span></b><!--[endif]--><b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">All
Chimbwi shall have freedom of movement<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">7.<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; font-weight: normal;"> </span></span></b><!--[endif]--><b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Elephants
shall protect the King from other animals<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">8.<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; font-weight: normal;"> </span></span></b><!--[endif]--><b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">No
humans shall enter the Kingdom without a hunting license<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">9.<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; font-weight: normal;"> </span></span></b><!--[endif]--><b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Any
animal may be elected King, provided his parents are Chimbwi<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">10.<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; font-weight: normal;"> </span></span></b><b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">No King may rule for more than 50 years<o:p></o:p></span></b><br />
<b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"><br /></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpFirst" style="text-indent: 0.25in;">
<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">
‘Oh dear,’ said Nawiti, ‘That was
a King-Driven Constitution.’</span></i><b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: 0.25in;">
<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">
‘That’s what all the animals
said,’ I admitted. ‘But the King declared that he was also an animal, and
therefore this was an Animal-Driven Constitution.’<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: 0.25in;">
<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘So
how did the story end?’ asked Nawiti.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: 0.25in;">
<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘The
animals were so angry that he was lucky to escape with his life. He fled to Holland
with all his bars of gold.’<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: 0.25in;">
<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘And
lived in another palace?’<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: 0.25in;">
<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘No.
His gold was taken from him at the port because he didn’t have an import
license, and then he was put behind bars in a zoo in The Hague.’<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: 0.25in;">
<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘Why
was that?’ Nawiti wondered.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: 0.25in;">
<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘Because,’
I explained, ‘Holland has a People-Driven Constitution.’<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"><b>[Adapted
from a story by Eric Blair]<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: 0.25in;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: 0.25in;">
<br /></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01973714560572754392noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1490143020208972177.post-70491778813064558662014-02-19T00:43:00.000+02:002014-02-19T00:43:12.240+02:00<br />
<div align="center" class="MsoNormalCxSpFirst" style="text-align: center;">
<b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 48.0pt;">A Strange King<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhzdv17NCM-pJ2c2xuYFiCgS6JRJ9VhtX0Tm3tFDsQCh9iAgZRTJrUQmhkv9hJ-lu2w2Xkab-SvCji2p5PiPbRMPXW1ozzgVRZl6RWEBcp9b-LswUuSUYXSPAL9H2HASDNRSZnXNNm5HfQ/s1600/Kalaki+a+strange+king.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhzdv17NCM-pJ2c2xuYFiCgS6JRJ9VhtX0Tm3tFDsQCh9iAgZRTJrUQmhkv9hJ-lu2w2Xkab-SvCji2p5PiPbRMPXW1ozzgVRZl6RWEBcp9b-LswUuSUYXSPAL9H2HASDNRSZnXNNm5HfQ/s1600/Kalaki+a+strange+king.jpg" height="538" width="640" /></a></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormalCxSpFirst" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">‘Grandpa,’
said Nawiti, ‘Tell me a story about a bad king.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘Ha ha,’ I laughed, ‘That’s a good
one! A king is always good because he tells you he is good and what he says is
right because he is the king.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘That’s not right!’ said Nawiti, ‘I
don’t believe you.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘Why don’t you believe me?’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘Because you’re not the king!’ she
laughed.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘Let me tell you the story of a rather
strange king. Hundreds of years ago the Kingdom of Zed had a very strange king
called King Chumbu…’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘Was he a bad king?’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘I’ve told you, in those days all
kings were good. What the king said and did was what was meant by the word ‘good’,
and if anybody said or did anything different, that was bad!’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘So did anybody dare to say or do
anything different?’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘Good gracious no. To say or do
anything different would be to insult the king. In those days you would be
thrown in jail for that! The king was like a little God. Every time he spoke,
everybody had to shut up and listen. The king told everybody everything, but
nobody could tell the king anything. Because he knew everything. Because he was
the king!’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘Nothing could be stranger than being
a king,’ laughed Nawiti. ‘But why are you telling me that Chumbu was a strange
king when they were all strange? Was he more strange than the others?’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘King Chumbu was strange because, even
by kingly standards, he used to do some very strange things.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘Such as what?’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘One day he assembled all his
ministers and told them to their faces that they were all fools!’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘Oh dear,’ said Nawiti, ‘that was very
bad.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘No,’ I said. ‘That was very good. He
was trying to provoke them, to see if they would dare to answer him. But they
all sat quiet.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘Very respectful,’ said Nawiti. ‘That
was good.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘No, it was very bad,’ I said. ‘It
showed the king that his ministers had no backbone or brains.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘Then the king began to worry that his
people were too silent, too polite, and too respectful, and always waiting to
be told what to do instead of having ideas of their own.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘Which was very bad,’ said Nawiti.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘Yes,’ said, ‘But very good that Chumbu
was worried about his people, because most kings only worry about themselves
and their money.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘So what happened next?’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘Something very strange happened. One
man in the entire land showed a bit of courage. A man called Ha Ha stood up and
told the king to stop insulting his people and behave like a king!’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘Very bad,’ said Nawiti, ‘to talk to
the king like that!’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘But very good,’ I said, ‘that
somebody could stand up to the king.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘Maybe people were now starting to
laugh at the king?’ suggested Nawiti.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘Very likely,’ I laughed. ‘But Chumbu
didn’t seem to see the danger of his position. In those days, once you were a
king you were always a king. And he was now beginning to enjoy himself.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘Oh dear,’ said Nawiti. ‘What did he
do next?’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘Chumbu insulted all the old men in
the Land of Zed, saying their heads were bald, and the next time he saw a bald
head he would chop it off!’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘Which was a bad thing to say!’ said
Nawiti.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘That’s what Paramount Chief Kukuchikuku
thought, and he loudly complained to all his Kuku people that he had been
insulted. So the king laughed and sent his army to throw the chief out of the
Palace of the Paramount Chief.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘Then HaHa spoke up again and told the
king to stop his silly quarrels and start governing the country, because while
the king was busy talking nonsense there were foreigners who were stealing the
gold and people who were starving.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘Now the king was not used to be
answered back, so this sensible advice sent him into a senseless rage, ranting that
HaHa was just a nobody who knew nothing, and didn’t even know his own father!’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘That was very bad,’ said Nawiti.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘It was very bad indeed,’ I admitted,
‘because half the women in the country had brought up children without the help
of the children’s fathers, who had a bad habit of running away. So the women’s
leader, Gorgeous Grillo, gave the king a grilling, telling him that he had
insulted all the women of the Kingdom of Zed.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘Now people were beginning to gang up
on him,’ suggested Nawiti.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘Exactly,’ I said. ‘These people had
more brains and voice than the king had bargained for. They all converged on
his palace and presented him with a piece of paper, called a constitution,
setting out the Rules for the Proper Behaviour of a King.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘And did the king promise to behave
himself?’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘Not at all!’ I laughed. ‘He tore up
the piece of paper and threw it out the window, then turned to them and asked <i>Where is this constitution you people are
talking about, I cannot see any such thing!</i>’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘So what did the people do then?’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘They threw him out of the window so
he could look for the constitution. Then they set up the Peoples Republic of
Zed, ruled by the people themselves and without any need for a king.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘So was he a bad king?’ wondered
Nawiti.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘Not at all,’ I replied. ‘He was a
very good king, because he was the one who brought democracy to the Land of
Zed.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘Very strange,’ said Nawiti.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01973714560572754392noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1490143020208972177.post-72803149652303777562014-02-11T22:22:00.003+02:002014-02-11T22:54:05.580+02:00The true story of… The Fall<br />
<div align="center" class="MsoNormalCxSpFirst" style="text-align: center;">
<b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 26.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 20.0pt;">The true story
of…<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-align: center;">
<b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 90.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 48.0pt;">The Fall</span></b><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 18pt; text-indent: 0.5in;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 18.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> <o:p></o:p></span><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijG8BmOi42Ef_F-9yVzPEibWIIWzpxg8Xq5uf63MGdDcb9GRKP9KjdrVGP-zUCsyhjDbJqlfitrVRsOt8yX9GysJ2yP1bXlM95A11UlVsk4CDhANFpi7XlR0YXV5hHu1CoeLmWvrV7s_0/s1600/kalaki+the+true+story+of+the+fall.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 18pt; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijG8BmOi42Ef_F-9yVzPEibWIIWzpxg8Xq5uf63MGdDcb9GRKP9KjdrVGP-zUCsyhjDbJqlfitrVRsOt8yX9GysJ2yP1bXlM95A11UlVsk4CDhANFpi7XlR0YXV5hHu1CoeLmWvrV7s_0/s1600/kalaki+the+true+story+of+the+fall.jpg" height="640" width="454" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 18.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> <o:p></o:p></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 18pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 18pt;"> </span><br />
<i style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 18pt;"><br /></i>
<i style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 18pt;"> The bishop walked slowly to the lectern and opened the Holy Book. ‘The lesson this morning,’ he intoned solemnly,‘is taken from the Book of Nemesis Chapter 2, Verses 7 to 25,’ ...</i></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 18pt;"> And the Lord formed man out of the dust of the ground and breathed life into his nostrils, and a soul into his body and said unto him ‘Your name is Adam and you are in the Garden of Zeden.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 18pt;"> And that night, while Adam slept, the Lord took one of his ribs and made from it a woman. And when Adam awoke the Lord said to him ‘This is a woman and her name is Eve. You will cleave to her as your wife and produce more of your kind, which shall be called humans.’ And they were both naked but they were not ashamed, but were pleased to do the bidding of the Lord.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 18pt;"> And the next day the Lord returned to advise the newly married couple, saying unto them ‘Be fertile and multiply, and look after your Garden wisely. Of every tree in the Garden you may freely eat, but of the copper tree you may not eat thereof or you shall surely die,’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 18pt;"> And so it was that Adam and Eve prospered and multiplied and populated the Garden of Zeden with all their descendents who all fed from the plentiful fruit of the Garden.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 18pt;"> And it came to pass that one day, when the Patriarch Adam was walking through the Garden of Zeden, he came face to face with a serpent that was hanging from the branch of a copper tree. And this serpent, which was more subtle than any other beast, whispered in the ear of Adam saying ‘You, Great Patriarch Adam, it is a great pity that in all your five hundred years you have never experienced the marvelous copper of the famous copper tree.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 18pt;"> ‘And Adam answered him stoutly, saying unto him ‘I am sworn unto my Lord not to eat the fruit of the copper tree.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 18pt;"> But the serpent answered him saying ‘You may keep your promise unto your Lord, for the copper tree has no fruit. It is called a copper tree because it grows in places where copper is found. With copper you can make knives and spears to kill animals and clothe yourself in their skins.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 18pt;">Adam was doubtful about this argument, but the serpent continued whispering persuasively, saying ‘How can you, a whole paramount chief, be shivering naked in your own kingdom? You should be wearing a warm leopard skin and wearing the copper crown and copper bangles which befit a mighty king! Instead, Oh King, even the hyenas are laughing at you.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 18pt;">And so Adam began to feel his nakedness, and yearned to become the Leopard King of Copper. So then the crafty serpent told him about the Mighty Magic Machines which could be brought from the other side of the forest.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 18pt;">And so Adam spoke to his wife of five hundred years, saying unto her ‘I have decided to dig out the copper from under the copper trees.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 18pt;">And she answered him saying ‘Oh no you mustn’t! The Lord Our God has forbidden it!’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 18pt;">And he answered her, saying ‘I am your Husband and not to be contradicted!’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 18pt;">And so it came to pass that the Mighty Magic Machines arrived in the Garden of Zeden to dig out the copper from under the copper tree, which meant that thousands of copper trees had to be uprooted.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 18pt;">And the copper was found under the copper trees, but so deep down that the Garden of Zeden lost all its trees and instead became one big hole in the ground, called a copper mine.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 18pt;">And so it came to pass that the people of Zeden no longer had an easy life of plucking the fruit off the trees, because there were none. Before long all the women were living in a little village at the side of the Mighty Hole of the Mighty Machines, where they had to work hard to grow beans and maize to feed the men working in the copper mine.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 18pt;">And the men worked mighty hard for the Mighty Machines, because the men were attached to the Mighty Machines, so that the faster a Mighty Machines worked, the faster the men had to work to keep up with them.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 18pt;">And the Mighty Machines generously allowed the men to visit their wives for one day a month, in order to produce the next generation of copper miners and maize growers. And one of the Mighty Machines produced cloth to cover their naked bodies, to avoid any unnecessary thought of reproductive activities during working hours.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 18pt;">And nobody in the former Garden of Zeden, now the Giant Hole Copper Mine, ever received a single piece copper. For every week there arrived another Mighty Machine called a Train that took away all the copper to the Land of Mighty Machines.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 18pt;">Then one day the people heard the thunderous voice of the Lord reverberating around the Great Hole in the Ground, saying ‘You have eaten the forbidden fruit! I gave you Paradise and you have turned it into Hell! You are now attached to machines and your souls have been destroyed! You are already dead and gone to Hell! A Hell that you made for yourselves!’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<i><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 18pt;">Now the bishop looked up from the Holy Book, and tears were streaming down his face. A single loud wail rose up from the back of the church. It was infectious: the the entire congregation began wailing uncontrollably.</span></i><br />
<i style="text-indent: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 18pt;"> For this was not merely the story of Adam and Eve. This was also their story.</span></i><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 18pt; text-indent: 0.5in;"> </span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01973714560572754392noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1490143020208972177.post-55864271074015674542014-02-04T23:07:00.000+02:002014-02-05T09:00:54.388+02:00Kalakiland<div align="center" class="MsoNormalCxSpFirst" style="text-align: center;">
<b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 48.0pt;">Kalakiland</span></b><b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"> </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">It was
mid-afternoon, and I was sitting on the veranda of my little house in Chainda,
sipping a glass of kachasu, when I heard a voice behind me, ‘Excuse me sir, my
apologies for interrupting your royal contemplations, but am I right in
thinking that you are Paramount Chief Kalaki?’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘My dear fellow,’ I said, shaking his
hand, ‘You have indeed found the Palace of the Paramount Chief. Sit down, have
a glass of kachasu, make yourself comfortable, and introduce yourself.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> Instead of sitting down he started to
grovel on the floor. ‘No no, my dear fellow,’ I said, lifting him by his arm, ‘we
don’t do that sort of thing here, we’re all very democratic. Just sit down and
introduce yourself.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘I am the Africa Correspondent for the
BBC,’ he replied. ‘My name is Sishuwa Sishuwa Sishuwa.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘Sishuwa Sishuwa Sishuwa,’ I said.
‘I’m very very very pleased to meet you. My name is Kalaki. You only have to
say it once.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘I am used to interviewing other
African presidents,’ he said. ‘I humbly seek your advice on the form of address
which you prefer. Should I say Your Excellency the Paramount Chief and Father
of the Nation, Professor Spectator Kalaki, Loved and Revered President of the
Peoples Peaceful Republic of Kalakiland? That’s what I was told by the Africa
Desk in London.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘When people call me that,’ I laughed,
‘they are just making fun of the pompous fellow in the neighbouring Republic of
Zed, who insists on being addressed in such a ridiculous fashion. But when
people are not making fun of the other fellow, then they just call me Komrade
Kalaki, or just Kalaki. So now, Mr Sishuwa Sishuwa Sishuwa, what can I do for
you?’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘Even me,’ said Sishuwa Sishuwa
Sishuwa rather shyly , ‘you can just call me Sishuwa. I’d be most grateful if
you could answer a few questions for our Focus on Africa programme. First of
all, how did you become president of Kalakiland?’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘I sort of appointed myself. You see the
job has no salary and no allowances and no state house. Just look at my humble
little house, which my wife and I bought from our savings over the years. Somebody
had to volunteer to do the job of calling meetings, and deciding how to deal
with the troublesome neighbouring republic of Zed. So I do the job just as a
public service.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘Public service!’ gasped Sishuwa.
‘I’ve never heard of such a thing before. But tell me, how did the Republic of
Kalakiland begin?’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘Well, actually, it started from my
little yard here, which used to be part of the Republic of Zed. People seeking
refuge from the fearful government of Zed used to come and hide in my yard. The
secret police never suspected that a retired schoolteacher could be harbouring
refugees. And my dear wife Sara has such a sharp tongue that no blundering
shushushu would think of knocking on our gate without good reason.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘Then how did Kalakiland grow to the
size of Swaziland?’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘It was rather surprising. But as Zed
became more dictatorial, and with more refugees fleeing the increasingly
vicious police state, we began hiding the refugees in more and more yards,
until we had a large area outside the jurisdiction of Zed. Then people began to
call it Kalakiland.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘But don’t the police invade Kalakiland
to recapture their victims who escaped from Zed?’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘My dear Sishuwa, it’s not that
simple. Even the police chief in Zed knows that when he is fired, he will need
somewhere to run to. Even the ministers know that when they annoy the Great
Dictator, they need a neighbouring republic to which they can quickly run and
where they will be safe. And they bring all their stolen money with them, which
they have to share with us, because Kalakiland is a democratic country.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘But how is Kalakiland governed? Do
you have a parliament, judiciary, police force and that sort of thing?’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘We have avoided setting up all the
institutions that destroyed Zed: we have no ministers to steal from the poor; no
parliament to pass bad laws and increase their own salaries; no judiciary to be
bent like a cucumber; no police force employed to fix the perceived enemies of any
mad dictator.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘So without the police, how do you
deal with crime?’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘Most of the criminals were in
the police force, which we abolished.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘What about education? Do you have schools
to pass on knowledge from one generation to the next?’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘We saw how schools were used to
destroy the children’s imagination, and to turn them into unthinking robots to
follow instructions irrespective of how stupid. We saw how schools cut off
children from their traditional culture. So in order to restore education we
have abolished schools.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘So you don’t have any national
institutions?’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘Only one,’ I laughed, raising my
glass. ‘The Kalakiland National Distillery which produces the internationally
famous Kalakiland Kachasu, the only truly African traditional spirit. It keeps
our people happy, sells all over the world, and makes us the richest country in
all Africa!’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘One distillery makes you the richest
country? How?’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘Because we don’t have a government to
steal all our money! Cheers!’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘Cheers!’ he said, as he emptied his
glass and rose to leave. ‘Thanks for the marvelous drink and fascinating
interview. Tune into Focus on Africa next Thursday, and you’ll be able to hear
it all!’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">_____________________<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">‘Wake
up! Wake up!’ Sara was shouting and shaking my shoulders. ‘You’re completely
drunk!’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">‘Nonsense,’
I said. ‘I’m just tired after a marvelous visit to Kalakiland.’ <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01973714560572754392noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1490143020208972177.post-70142767962744874512014-01-28T21:48:00.001+02:002014-01-28T22:32:51.034+02:00King Chumbu<br />
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<b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 36.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 48.0pt;">King Chumbu</span></b></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgUm3-ARgt7TONGgo8I9n6o2Eu_79hyYDDk7VZctWTveRhlzVlEveVzp8Ej3f5DBxU_3jaTpcAjfOTWj5cvQlkb348wt3Wa_ianqhhtSM9HAUFJNt5mfJ-0a3Xz4I-jZQPFwbh4VMwSD_c/s1600/chumbu2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgUm3-ARgt7TONGgo8I9n6o2Eu_79hyYDDk7VZctWTveRhlzVlEveVzp8Ej3f5DBxU_3jaTpcAjfOTWj5cvQlkb348wt3Wa_ianqhhtSM9HAUFJNt5mfJ-0a3Xz4I-jZQPFwbh4VMwSD_c/s1600/chumbu2.jpg" height="640" width="574" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘I can’t understand,’ said Thoko, ‘why
people keep voting wrong leaders into government. We always finish up with people
who told us they would work for us and make our lives better, but as soon as
they get into office they start filling their own bellies and leaving the rest
of us to starve!’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘That’s how humans behave,’ I replied
sadly. ‘There’s nothing to be done about it.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘Except to throw them out when their
behaviour becomes intolerable!’ suggested Thoko.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘Even that doesn’t help much. You can
be sure that the next king will become insufferable within 90 days.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘I sometimes think,’ said Thoko, ‘that
we should elect a complete simpleton as king, some half-wit just to hand out
the medals on Independence Day, kick the ball to start each cup-final, wear a
silly gown to open parliament, and otherwise be harmless.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘You have to be careful with that sort
of thing. Idiots can be even more dangerous than clever people.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘Then why have people at all?’ laughed
Thoko. ‘We could just choose a dog or a goat, and dress it up in chitenge and
gold chains, to be our national symbol on ceremonial occasions.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘That reminds me,’ I laughed, ‘of the
story of King Chumbu, who ruled the Land of Zed a thousand years ago.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘Really?’ said Thoko. ‘My History
teacher has never told us about any King Chumbu.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘I’m not surprised,' I cackled. 'Some bits of
history are best forgotten.’</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 14pt;"> ‘So what happened?’ asked Thoko.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘It was election time,’ I explained,
‘and it was time to elect the next king. At the first big election rally a
joker stood up waving a large lump of sweet potato, shouting <i>Let’s elect this sweet potato! <o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘And the people responded
enthusiastically, shouting in reply <i>Yes,
let’s elect the sweet potato. All the other kings have been sour, this chumbu
is sweet. All the other kings have been pompous, let us have a humble sweet
potato. Instead of the king eating us, we shall eat the king! Everybody likes
the sweet potato! Chumbu for king!’</i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘So was the chumbu elected?’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘Oh yes. He was elected by a big
majority, and became King Chumbu.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘And was he a sweet and humble king?’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘Within a day of taking office he
started to swell with pride, declaring that he had been appointed by God. This
came as a terrible shock to everybody!’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘Because they thought they had
appointed him, not God?’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘No, because they didn’t think the
potato could speak. They thought that they had elected a king who would remain
mercifully silent. But now this one was babbling continuously in a language
spoken only by other sweet potatoes, a language called Chichumba.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘And the worse thing was that all the
time he was babbling, he was giving orders. He ordered that all the schools
should teach Chichumba, so that all the children would understand what he was
saying.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘And what was he saying?’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘He was saying that all the people who
didn’t like sweet potatoes should be locked up for insulting the king. He was
saying that there would be no more fertilizer or seeds given for growing maize,
rice, cassava or sorghum. Instead everybody had to grow sweet potatoes. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘He declared that God was a sweet
potato, and would favour only those who were made in his image. A picture of
King Chumbu had to be on every wall, every chitenge and every coin. He changed
the name of the country from Zed to Chumbia, with a national motto of <i>One Chumbia One Chumbu. </i> At the big state occasions people no longer
marched up and down, but now had to roll on the ground as if they hadn’t got
legs, pretending to be sweet potatoes, and groveling in front of the Great
Chumbu.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘How ridiculous!’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘State occasions are always
ridiculous.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘And did people resist all this
nonsense?’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘Thoko, you know how people are. They
just want to fit into the system, and get jobs by flattering the appointing
authority. They began to eat plenty of sweet potatoes to fatten themselves into
shapeless lumps, so that they looked more like the king. The more successful of
them actually became sweet potatoes.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘Didn’t some people resist?’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘A few people held meetings to discuss
whether the end of human civilisation was a good idea. They were arrested and
imprisoned for holding secret meetings without a permit, and for sedition and
for treason.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘Good gracious!’ exclaimed Thoko. ‘Didn’t
that contradict their right to freedom of assembly and freedom of expression?’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘King Chumbu had confiscated their
constitution and instead written his own constitution on a single leaf of kalembula.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘Wasn’t that a bit small for writing a
constitution?’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘Not really. It just read <i>Never offend King Chumbu. He is the law, the
judgment and the imprisonment.’<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> </span></i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">‘He
wouldn’t listen to any discontent?’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘A chumbu has no ears to listen. No
way of bending without breaking. He is chumbu mushololwa. A perfect choice for
a dictator.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘So how did it all end? How was the
Land of Zed restored to us humans?’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘It was after the king had flattened
the Zambezi Forest Reserve and in its place put the King’s Chumbu Plantation.
That was the year of the Great Plague. A terrible fungus called Chumbu
Catastrophicus wiped out all the chumbu in Chumbia. Within three months there
wasn’t a single sweet potato left in the land.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘The human’s returned?’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘The few hundred remaining Zedians
escaped from jail. Others returned from the diaspora. Human civilization was
restored.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘So luckily God changed his mind about
King Chumbu.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> ‘I suppose so,’ I replied. ‘The Lord
giveth and the Lord taketh away.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01973714560572754392noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1490143020208972177.post-36679990729319571632014-01-21T22:45:00.000+02:002014-01-22T10:50:36.125+02:00The School Bus<div align="center" class="MsoNormalCxSpFirst" style="text-align: center;">
<b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 48.0pt;">The School Bus<o:p></o:p></span></b><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYcEVOKTu_wLn6xgrkP3dyTReXojFjUm3mxUUv8Gt4jNyOCJsbMsK6VlIKljvdf81seYhIq9LeQt8r2wlnhys8FmA1ZSb0mVYy5TOhrleRyPDVhc3C_hJqsen6l-OOvAbTzLFmabFcAjM/s1600/potato+attack.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYcEVOKTu_wLn6xgrkP3dyTReXojFjUm3mxUUv8Gt4jNyOCJsbMsK6VlIKljvdf81seYhIq9LeQt8r2wlnhys8FmA1ZSb0mVYy5TOhrleRyPDVhc3C_hJqsen6l-OOvAbTzLFmabFcAjM/s1600/potato+attack.jpg" height="630" width="640" /></a></div>
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">I was sitting on
the veranda, solemnly contemplating the first brandy of the day, when round the
corner came Khondwa in a dusty disheveled school uniform, and plonked himself
dejectedly onto a wobbly cane chair. ‘Hullo Grandpa,’ he grunted. ‘What are you
doing here?’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘I
was about to ask you the same question!’ I exclaimed. ‘As far as I know you’re
supposed to be in Ndola! You know it’s costing your parents a small fortune to send
you to that Prestige Faculty Secondary School! So now what have you done? What
are you doing back here?’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘I
thought I’d get more sympathy from you, Grandpa. Everybody says you’re a bit of
a delinquent.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘Don’t
try to soft-soap me,’ I snarled. ‘That’s why your mother was so keen to send
you to this PF Secondary School, so you don’t end up like me. What has
happened? Have you been expelled?’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘It
all started with the school bus.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">‘School bus?
School bus? What are you talking about? Did you try to steal the school bus?’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘We
don’t have a school bus.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> I
was so irritated I poured myself another glass of brandy. ‘So how did you get
into trouble over a non-existent school bus?’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘It
all started last term,’ he replied calmly, ‘when we prefects all had a meeting
and decided that the school needed a school bus. So we all went to see the
headmaster, Mr Chumbu Mushololwa, and told him we had decided that the school
should buy a bus.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘And
you were the ringleader?’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘I
was elected as the spokesman, if that’s what you mean.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘So
I suppose the headmaster just told you that there was no money, and a school
bus was out of the question.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘Not
at all. He said that the PF was a democratic institution, and it was good that
we were coming up with our own ideas for improving the school. But the only
problem was that there was no money. But he said he would appreciate our help
in solving the problem. So he appointed us as the school’s Transport Committee,
with the task of finding out the level of enthusiasm for a school bus, and if
necessary to raise the money to buy one.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘But
why were you so keen to get a bus? Or was it just a political gambit to show
that the prefects had more ideas and ability than the headmaster?’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘What
an old cynic you are, Grandpa! Without a bus we had all sorts of problems. The
local day-scholars had transport problems and most of them needed a school bus.
But worst of all we had no bus for school trips. Our Debating Society couldn’t
visit other schools for debating contests. We couldn’t go on educative trips to
visit factories or mines or council chambers, let alone development projects.
All our lessons were out of the textbooks, but we could never see anything in
practice. With our own bus we would be able to take better control over our own
curriculum, and find out how the world really works!’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘Hmm,’
I said. ‘And did you persuade the other students and their parents that the
school needed a bus? Did you manage to collect the money?’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘Oh
yes. We launched an enormously successful Christmas campaign. We found that all
the parents were very supportive. By the time we came back to school a couple
of weeks ago we had collected rather more than K300,000, enough to buy a new 26
seater.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘So
have you bought the bus?’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘That’s
where the problem came in,’ replied Khondwa sadly. ‘Immediately we got back to
school Mr Mushololwa called the TC into his office and told us to hand over the
money to him, since only he could legally buy a vehicle on behalf of the
school.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘I
suppose that was true enough.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘But
then he said that buying a bus was merely a recommendation to him, and he would
have to put this recommendation to the school’s board of governors, bearing in
mind that the school also had other transport problems.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘So
what did you say to that?’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘We
said that all of the boys and their parents would be very annoyed if they heard
that their demand for a bus was not to be respected, and if all the money we
had collected was used for something else. But he told us that according to the
terms of reference of the TC, the demand for a bus was a only recommendation to
him personally, and if members of the TC leaked their recommendation to other
students then this would be a breach of their loyalty to the headmaster,
warranting instant expulsion.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘So
did anyone on the TC blab?’ <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘We
were all too scared,’ admitted Khondwa.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘How
pathetic,’ I sneered. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘Everything
was quiet for about a week,’ continued Khondwa. ‘Then the rumour went round
that the headmaster had been given the money, but was refusing to buy the bus.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘Then
there was a riot?’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘Still
everything remained quiet. Then two days later, the headmaster drove into the
school in his new Mercedes E250. That same night a group of boys gently rolled
the car onto its side, and put a match to the fuel line. It lit up the sky
something marvelous!’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘So
you’ve been expelled!’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘The
entire school has been expelled! Now we all have to apply for re-admission.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘Very
good,’ I laughed. ‘Now I see you were right, the school bus has improved your
understanding of how the world really works! I always knew that the PF would
give you a good education!’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01973714560572754392noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1490143020208972177.post-80539821293269118532014-01-07T18:58:00.004+02:002014-01-07T18:58:25.364+02:00A Stiff Sweet Potato for President!<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 36.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">A Stiff Sweet Potato
for President?</span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikcgN2twqkUjdxXB4g1e03uMMzUg4P6VXo07OKqQtficy_8hERNXLS-JF7E5yYj7XMHi98DTuE3tMpNFqmO0j0ZGPuYoQ1tyyC8NViEXjZXnLJbjc4IPwJ0NH7Dy_ZTQBuZTWReg5Pz5o/s1600/munshololwa.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikcgN2twqkUjdxXB4g1e03uMMzUg4P6VXo07OKqQtficy_8hERNXLS-JF7E5yYj7XMHi98DTuE3tMpNFqmO0j0ZGPuYoQ1tyyC8NViEXjZXnLJbjc4IPwJ0NH7Dy_ZTQBuZTWReg5Pz5o/s1600/munshololwa.jpg" height="582" width="640" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: #333333; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">Is Father Bwalya
right to say that Sata will not take advice the way a sweet potato will not
bend without breaking?..</span>.</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01973714560572754392noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1490143020208972177.post-52782686454886601362013-12-17T19:48:00.000+02:002013-12-22T15:17:20.139+02:00Postmortem<div align="center" class="MsoNormalCxSpFirst" style="text-align: center;">
<b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 48.0pt;">Postmortem<o:p></o:p></span></b><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPij3JEBmzFdzd1aWdsPV9aWx2OaS8xTOx9cUnX8HiOuVPQpQSnTIcATC8zb5zY3qhWla8EX4vBhdZyG-RHKpKZFD8itN8RoDLM6LNuMNSUdLLnTEkKq_n5wNW3lNOhuGVzAwhz0dQuRs/s1600/kalaki+postmortem.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPij3JEBmzFdzd1aWdsPV9aWx2OaS8xTOx9cUnX8HiOuVPQpQSnTIcATC8zb5zY3qhWla8EX4vBhdZyG-RHKpKZFD8itN8RoDLM6LNuMNSUdLLnTEkKq_n5wNW3lNOhuGVzAwhz0dQuRs/s640/kalaki+postmortem.jpg" width="442" /></a></div>
<b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 48.0pt;"><br /></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">‘I am sitting
here this morning,’ announced the magistrate, ‘as the coroner assigned to assist
the police in their investigations. The task of this court is to establish the
cause of the death of Ms Democracy. The relatives of Democracy, commonly known
as Citizens, have claimed that she died as the result of a vicious attack on Democracy
by Dictatorship. On the other hand the representatives of Dictatorship,
commonly known as cadres, have firmly maintained that they always supported and
loved Democracy and would never do anything to harm her, and that she died of
natural causes. On the other hand, the Women’s Hobby has suggested that death
may have been caused by Gender Based Murder, sometimes known as GBM. Because of
these conflicting interests, the court will hear postmortem reports from three
different pathologists.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> The
magistrate now turned towards the investigating offer. ‘Inspector, is this GBM
the former husband of Democracy?’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘Good
gracious no,’ replied the inspector, ‘GBM has never had any relationship with
Democracy. GBM and Democracy have always been completely incompatible.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘Quite
so,’ said the magistrate. ‘But in the case of the death of a wife we must
always treat the husband as the first suspect. So who is the husband of the
late departed?’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘She
was happily married to Constitution,’ replied the inspector.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘Constitution!’
exclaimed the magistrate. ‘But surely it is the job of Constitution to protect
Democracy! How did he allow his own dear partner to die?’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘He
is in jail, M’Lord, awaiting trial.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘On
what charge?’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘On
a charge of trying to limit the powers of the Dictator, M’Lord. Constitution is
now locked up indefinitely, pending correction in a correctional facility.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘Did
he not seek bail?’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘He
did my Lord. He wanted to be freed so that he could protect Democracy. But bail was
refused.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘Refused?’
said the magistrate. ‘On what grounds?’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘On
the ground that Democracy was already dead!’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘Quite
right,’ declared the magistrate. ‘There’s no need for a Constitution when
Democracy is already dead. Do let’s get on with hearing from the first
pathologist, Mr Mfwa.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Mr
Mfwa walked to the witness stand and swore never to tell the truth, so help him
God. ‘Now give us your report on the cause of death,’ requested the magistrate.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">‘The first thing
I noticed when I examined the body,’ began Mfwa, ‘was that all the fingers were
missing.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">‘Had she died
from loss of blood?’ asked the magistrate.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">‘Oh no,’ replied
Mfwa. ‘Apparently they had been sliced off many years earlier when she tried to
hang on to a banner saying <i>We want
freedom of the press.</i>’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">‘Did she have
any other wounds?’ asked the magistrate irritably.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">‘Both of her
legs were missing?’ declared Mfwa.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">‘What had caused
that?’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">‘Going on a
protest march without a police permit.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">‘Was that the
cause of death?’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">‘Oh no,’ replied
Mfwa. ‘But it had caused her to be confined to her house. That’s why we haven’t
been seeing much of Democracy in recent years.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">‘Look, Mr Mfwa,’
shouted the magistrate. ‘Did you find out the cause of death?’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">‘Yes,’ he
replied calmly. ‘I found a very large aspirin stuck in her throat.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">‘So she
suffocated!’ said the magistrate.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">‘No,’ said Mfwa,
‘she died of a very bad headache. Natural causes.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">‘You’re giving
me a very bad headache,’ sneered the magistrate. Then, turning to the Clerk of
Court, ‘Bring on the next pathologist.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">‘Mr Yafwa,’ said
the magistrate wearily, ‘Do you have any different explanation for the death of
Democracy?’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">‘She died,’ said
Yafwa slowly, ‘because her head had been cut off by one slice from a very sharp
instrument, probably a panga. Death was from unnatural causes.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">The magistrate now
turned to Mfwa, ‘Well,’ he said sarcastically, ‘I wonder how you noticed
missing fingers and legs, but failed to notice a missing head?’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">‘It is possible
to wonder at a lot of things,’ sneered Mfwa. ‘I wonder why my learned colleague
never considered that I had to cut off the head in order to find the aspirin
lodged in her throat.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">The magistrate
now turned hopefully to the third pathologist. ‘Mr Fwile, to what do you
attribute the death of Democracy?’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">‘M’Lord, I agree
with my learned colleague Mr Yafwa that the cause of death was decapitation
caused by a single mighty slice from a very sharp blade.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">‘In order words,
unnatural causes?’ asked the magistrate.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">‘Oh no,’ said
Yafwa. ‘Bearing in mind Newton’s Second Law of Motion, the large mass of the
blade, combined with its high rate of deceleration when striking the neck, and the
large concentration of pressure caused by the sharpness of the blade, it was
absolutely natural and inevitable that the blow would cause decapitation. I
have no hesitation in concluding that death was by natural causes.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">‘On the basis of
the majority view of the pathologists,’ said the magistrate, ‘I declare that
Democracy died of natural causes, and that no criminal investigations are
necessary. I declare the case closed, and hope that the soul of Democracy will
rest in peace.’ So saying, he rose to his feet and disappeared into his
chambers.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">As people left
the court, they talked amongst themselves:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">‘It’s just as
well it wasn’t murder.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">‘We don’t want
murder here.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">‘We are a
peaceful people.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">‘I always
thought she was a bit of a trouble maker.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">‘Well out the
way if you ask me.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">‘Good thing that
Constitution has been locked up. He was the one giving her wrong ideas.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">‘Now she can rest in
peace.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">‘This is a
peaceful country.’</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">‘Especially at
Leopards Hill.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01973714560572754392noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1490143020208972177.post-54655803109875291272013-12-11T10:28:00.001+02:002013-12-22T15:16:45.915+02:00Michael's Master Plan<div align="center" class="MsoNormalCxSpFirst" style="text-align: center;">
<b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 36.0pt;">Michael’s Master Plan<o:p></o:p></span></b><br />
<b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 36.0pt;"><br /></span></b>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDYj4ddrzQ4INQvT1hXUKyXYzEHYj169lnVmThX7IdRsrZSinS6wxbNmZcdwgNagv06oZ-9nyCV9gj7czv_-qC7QnPvjbb4adG2qPVsuJl6vack3q_hcXbXGPDPZP_wYHhhN4l6vN4p0Y/s1600/kalaki+Michaels+master+plan.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDYj4ddrzQ4INQvT1hXUKyXYzEHYj169lnVmThX7IdRsrZSinS6wxbNmZcdwgNagv06oZ-9nyCV9gj7czv_-qC7QnPvjbb4adG2qPVsuJl6vack3q_hcXbXGPDPZP_wYHhhN4l6vN4p0Y/s640/kalaki+Michaels+master+plan.jpg" width="476" /></a></div>
<b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 36.0pt;"><br /></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">‘Sometimes,’ I
sighed, ‘I think Michael doesn’t know what he’s doing. How can he be sacking
the nurses for asking for more money? Isn’t he the very one who promised them
more money in their pockets?’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘Of
course he knows what he’s doing,’ laughed Kupela. ‘He’s trying to force them
all to go and get jobs in Britain, where they’ll be paid four times as much. Then
they’ll be able to send money to their relatives here, and we’ll all have more
money in our pockets.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘Don’t
be silly,’ I said. ‘If all our nurses go to the UK, who’s going to run our
hospitals? Our entire health system will collapse! You’ve got to see the bigger
picture!’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘Poor
Daddy,’ Kupela scoffed, ‘it’s you who can’t see the bigger picture. Nowadays
you’ve got to think globally. Have you considered that that a nurse earning
$200 dollars in Beijing thinks that $800 dollars in Lusaka is a small fortune?
So we can easily attract Chinese nurses to come here!’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘Hah!’
I exclaimed. ‘What a silly argument! In that case the Chinese nurses would also
go to London to earn an even larger fortune!’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘Oh
no they wouldn’t,’ said Kupela, ‘because London hospitals practice Western
medicine and don’t recruit Chinese nurses.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘Well
done!’ I laughed. ‘You’ve just destroyed your own argument because our Zambian
hospitals also practice Western medicine.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘On
no they don’t,’ retorted Kupela. ‘They’re not practicing anything at all
because they don’t have any medicine or equipment. The wards are just waiting
rooms for the mortuary. This country just hasn’t got the money to provide
health care or education. Poor old Chikwanda is borrowing a billion dollars a
year to run schools that make us dull and hospitals that make us sick. And what’s
more, the country will soon be completely bankrupt!’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘So
the answer is to sack all the nurses?’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘It’s
all part of Michael’s new Master Plan. He’s bringing in 20,000 nurses from
China.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘What?
We’ll all be going to Chinese hospitals?’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘Of
course not, these hospitals will be for the Chinese.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘What!
There won’t be enough Chinese patients for so many hospitals, unless they’re
all planning to be sick!’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘Michael
knows what he’s doing. He’s going to bring in another million Chinese to take
over the rest of the mines, set up manufacturing plants, turn the forests into
plantations, and so on.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘Half
a minute! Hold on! If the Chinese take over all our hospitals, where is the
health service for the rest of us?’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘We
shall return to traditional medicine, which worked very well in pre-colonial
days. In those days people were very healthy and lived to a ripe old age. Did
you know that our very high rate of maternal mortality is caused by modern maternity
hospitals? Traditional birth attendants are much safer.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘This
is all romantic poppy-cock,’ I spluttered. ‘What are traditional healers going
to do about cholera, typhoid, TB and HIV? Huh! Answer me that!’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘These
are all urban diseases,’ she replied calmly. ‘We’ll all return to village life.
Back to the land! Anyway, we never really mastered city life. Never became
properly urbanized. Lusaka is not a city, it is just a collection of villagers
in a huge village. That’s why it is so chaotic and full of urban diseases!’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘So
our cities will be abandoned? Left standing empty?’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘Of
course not! The Chinese will come in to run the factories, smelt the iron, sort
out the traffic lights, and that sort of thing.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘So
what shall we be doing in the village?’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘We
shall be on display for the Chinese tourists. Cultural tourism is becoming very
popular and we can rake in a lot of money. That’s why Michael is building all these
roads everywhere, so that the Chinese can visit the villages. The Chinese are
very interested to see what Africa looked like before the missionaries came and
ruined everything.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘So
what sort of government shall we have?’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘Exactly,
that’s the question. Why d’you think Michael grabbed the draft constitution
from the Technical Committee? He intends to write one which fits into his
Master Plan!’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘So
how will it be different?’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘Difficult
to say,’ said Kupela. ‘Much of central government will undoubtedly have to be
abolished, since government will have to be localized under the chiefs. We
wouldn’t need a judiciary, the chief would preside over each local court. Maybe
there would still be a DC.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘A
District Commissioner?’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘No,
a District Chinese, to make sure that the villagers treat the Chinese tourists
with proper respect.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘So
would we still have a parliament?’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘Obviously
not,’ said Kupela. ‘We would just follow tradition and customary law.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘But
who would govern the Chinese?’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘They’re
already well organized and never take any notice of us. They would probably
want to co-ordinate their activities with other Chinese operating in neighbouring
countries. It is rumoured that they might set up a Chinese Federal Government
based in Harare.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘So
would we still have a president and ministers?’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘Of
course,’ said Kupela.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘But
what would they be doing?’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘Obviously
they would have to collect taxes so that they can continue to live in
ministerial houses, travel to international conferences and that sort of
thing.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘It
looks to me as if we wouldn’t need a government at all!’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘Oh
yes we would!’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘Why?’
I persisted.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘Because,’
said Kupela, ‘We’re an independent country!’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01973714560572754392noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1490143020208972177.post-5998744744974549422013-12-03T20:24:00.000+02:002013-12-03T20:24:08.416+02:00King Panga<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /><b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 48.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;">King Panga</span></b></div>
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmYg-fu-7eWT40DzlVjAn1mgObDHrfxpBzvYy0FRfzVPWyGLEsA-WvD1baWvUfP-qzsp0Gf8MtaORr2HZe0IsUlGp5mq0f2lj1gX5NUUTin9gYdVkDRGVmxAMd_NWei34WA6Aq1nzAPHM/s1600/kalaki+King+panga.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmYg-fu-7eWT40DzlVjAn1mgObDHrfxpBzvYy0FRfzVPWyGLEsA-WvD1baWvUfP-qzsp0Gf8MtaORr2HZe0IsUlGp5mq0f2lj1gX5NUUTin9gYdVkDRGVmxAMd_NWei34WA6Aq1nzAPHM/s640/kalaki+King+panga.jpg" width="434" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpFirst">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘Grandpa,’
said Nawiti, ‘tell me a story about a king.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘What
sort of king do you want? A good one or a bad one?’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘A
bad one!’ cackled Nawiti, rubbing her hands in glee.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘I’m
glad you’ve asked for a bad one,’ I chuckled, ‘because good kings are hard to
find. I think I’ve got just the sort of king you’re looking for. His name was
King Panga, and he lived long ago in the Kingdom of Zedia.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘Why
was he a bad king?’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘Who
can tell why he was bad. Maybe when he was small, his mother didn’t punish him
when he did wrong things.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘No,
I meant why did people say he was bad.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘Because,’
I explained, ‘King Panga was far too bossy, and wouldn’t listen to anybody. He
would tell the police whom to lock up, instead of letting them decide for
themselves. And he would lock up his enemies even if they hadn’t done anything
wrong.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘Look,
Grandpa,’ said Nawiti, ‘that’s how kings were in those days. It’s no good being
a king if you can’t boss everybody around. The job just attracts that type of
person.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘You’ve
got a point there,’ I conceded. ‘But King Panga also used to waste the people’s
money. He wasted a lot of money building a tall tower, reaching right up into
the sky, so that he could walk up to Heaven to consult God.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘So
he went to Heaven?’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘No.
The tower got only halfway, then it fell down.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘Well,’
said Nawiti, ‘that’s the sort of thing you expect from a king. What else did he
do?’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘He
built himself a huge golden coach pulled by twenty-four elephants…’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘You
mean horses.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘No.
In those days there weren’t any horses in Zedia.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘Look,
Grandpa, you have to understand how things were in those days. That’s the sort
of thing kings do. You can’t have a king without a golden coach. The other kings
would laugh at him.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘But
he was wasting money. There were no nurses or medicines in the hospitals, no
books in the schools and no seeds for planting. Meanwhile the king was wasting
money on building roads everywhere so that he could drive his coach
everywhere.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘So
what did they do?’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘Led
by a bishop, they all went to the palace to see the king. And the bishop spoke
for all of them, saying <i>You can’t just
rule anyhow like this, you must have a constitution</i>. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">‘And he king replied <i>A constitution, what’s that?</i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘Then
the bishop told him, saying <i>A
constitution is a set of rules which we will give you, setting out the limits
of your powers, requiring you to listen to others, and making sure you look
after us and not just yourself.<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> </span></i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">‘And the king replied, saying <i>Show me a copy of these rules!</i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘But
the bishop replied, saying <i>We shall show
you a copy of these rules in two years time, after we have agreed amongst
ourselves.</i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘And
the king sneered, saying <i>Huh, I could do
the job myself in ten minutes.</i>’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> </span></i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">‘And did they come back in two
years time?’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘Oh
yes,’ I said. ‘The bishop and his priests went all round the country, holding
meetings everywhere with everybody, and finally they drew up a constitution of
ten basic rules which, even if followed by a foolish king, could make him appear
quite sensible.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘So
they went back to the palace to give the constitution to the king?’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘They
did indeed. But they found the king’s soldiers at the gate, armed with machetes.
And the sergeant in charge said <i>The king
says that it does not need a thousand people to deliver ten rules. He commands
that only ten people can enter the palace, each carrying one rule. These ten
people will constitute the constitution which shall be given to the king!</i>’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘And
did the people agree?’ asked Nawiti.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘They
had no choice,’ I explained, ‘because the machetes were very sharp.’<i> <o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘Oh
dear,’ said Nawiti, ‘what happened in the palace? Was the constitution
presented to the king?’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘Nobody
knows what happened inside that palace,’ I said grimly. ‘The people waited all
night outside the gates. Early next morning there was a sound of marching, the
gates opened, and out came a company of soldiers carrying on their shoulders
ten coffins, which were laid on the ground before the weeping crowd.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘Then
the sergeant in charge addressed the crowd, saying <i>The king has declared that he finds these ten rules unnecessary. He
also declares that it is not the job of the people to give the king a
constitution, it is the duty of the king to give his people a constitution.<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘With
this announcement, the sergeant threw down his machete, its blade sticking into
the lid of one of the coffins, the cold steel quivering in the morning air. <i>There! </i>shouted the sergeant, <i>There is your new constitution.’<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘That
wasn’t a constitution, it was just a machete!’ said Nawiti, as tears streamed
down her face.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘It
was a rule of governance,’ I explained. ‘Down the side of the machete blade was
inscribed <i>Nobody can question the King. </i>This
made it clear that the country was not to be ruled by a constitution, but by
the machete.<i> </i> And that is why, from that day to this, a
machete is always known as a panga in the land of Zedia.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘Oh
dear,’ said Nawiti, ‘he really was a bad king.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘Yes,’
I replied. ‘Let that be a lesson to you. If you ask for a bad king, that’s what
you get.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01973714560572754392noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1490143020208972177.post-61144537320402207412013-11-26T22:14:00.002+02:002013-11-26T22:25:42.048+02:00Shepolopolo<div align="center" class="MsoNormalCxSpFirst" style="text-align: center;">
<b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 72.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Shepolopolo<o:p></o:p></span></b><br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCIzOb6gZzsXOaXgNBT0tbo82mKXfI8l3Le3alG5KpkFtrD_tM79m3W_WrohP7S07_kGnCEVbo3UuDpsGQT8hzTyMmeCE1WPAqJph5lk2xp7ODHOnj2y7lwE7cNBy5FVJ8iKbM0rFlgHA/s1600/shipolopolo.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCIzOb6gZzsXOaXgNBT0tbo82mKXfI8l3Le3alG5KpkFtrD_tM79m3W_WrohP7S07_kGnCEVbo3UuDpsGQT8hzTyMmeCE1WPAqJph5lk2xp7ODHOnj2y7lwE7cNBy5FVJ8iKbM0rFlgHA/s640/shipolopolo.jpg" width="426" /></a><br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"></span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> ‘Ha
ha!’ Sara hooted. ‘See how we wasted all our money, effort, agony and support
trying to get Chipolopolo into the World Cup. And instead along comes
Shepolopolo with an effortless smile, trounces everybody and off they go. See how
they have quietly shamed all the noisy, pompous and useless men!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> ‘Shush,’
laughed Kupela, ‘We women are supposed to pretend that our men are superior. It
is our job to make them feel strong and powerful. Soccer is supposed to be a
man’s game, and our job is just to wash and iron their football shirts and…’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> ‘Wash
their football shirts!’ Sara cackled, ‘Hardly any of them play! Ten thousand go
to the stadium to watch twenty-two men kick a ball up and down. Another fifty
thousand watch on television. They cheer it, pay for it, discuss it, celebrate
their victories with beer, mourn their losses with beer, but they don’t play
it! Most of them are too fat and unfit to play it! If the Minister of Sport had
the ball at his feet, he wouldn’t even be able to see it! The plain fact is
that they’re no good at it. But when we put together a team of eleven young
women – off they go to the World Cup!’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> ‘It
was because they had a male coach,’ I said.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> ‘What
do you know about it?’ scoffed Sara. ‘I’m giving you a red card!’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> ‘The
way our society works,’ said Kupela, ‘our female role is to support our men,
and make them feel successful and powerful. They run the government, they are
the heads of household, they take the decisions. When they secretly feel
uncertain and incapable, and get in an awful mess, but try not to show it, it’s
our job to believe in them, console them, and tell them they are men, strong
and clever. Now along come these Shepolopolo and upset everything, showing that
women are better at the man’s own game! It puts the rest of us in an awkward
position! Especially if we are caught laughing!’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> ‘Don’t
upset yourself,’ I sneered, ‘one football game won’t overturn our traditional
patriarchy. We men are quite safe.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> ‘You
don’t know what you’re talking about,’ snapped Sara. ‘There never was
traditional patriarchy. I know from what my grandmother Sibongile told me about
village life in pre-colonial days. It was the women who were in charge of the
men!’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> ‘Poof,’
I laughed. ‘How did they manage that?’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> ‘They
produced the food, and cooked it in the matriarchal cooking pot, and therefore they
controlled the production and distribution of resources.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> ‘But
the men were bigger and stronger.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> ‘Not
when they only got their fair share from the cooking pot. They were much
smaller then. Their only useful function was fertilization. Otherwise they were
sent away for the useless men’s games, such as fighting each other, hunting,
stealing cattle, and so on. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> ‘Huh,’
I said. ‘How exactly did the women control them?’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> ‘In
those days their games were very dangerous, so there weren’t many to control.
That’s how polygamy started, because men were outnumbered. Men were controlled by
the matriarchal cooking pot. Herbs and special muti were used to help them
provide sexual services when specially needed. But the pot also produced beer
and kachasu to put them to sleep when not needed. All sorts of feasts and
festivities were invented to keep them drunk most of the time, so that the
women could get on with their work in peace. The women had their own nsaka, or
parliament, where they could discuss the problems of men who had become a
nuisance, and also agree on suitable punishment – such as banishment to another village, or
even to live alone in the forest. In those days the playful men were under control,
and the village was rich and prosperous, and starvation was unheard of.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> ‘Oh
yes,’ I sneered. ‘And how did this matriarchal utopia suddenly disappear?’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> ‘A
terrible catastrophe hit the land!’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> ‘Oh
yes? What was that? An earthquake? Volcanic eruption? Tornado?’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> ‘Worse
than that,’ said Sara solemnly. ‘The Europeans arrived.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> ‘I
heard about that,’ I said. ‘They brought development.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> ‘They
brought disaster,’ she replied grimly. ‘They came from a patriarchal society.
When the Europeans saw men being ruled by women they were appalled. They vowed
to stay in the country until they had changed the whole system, and the men
ruled the women.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> ‘So
how did they do that?’ wondered Kupela.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> ‘They
came with their own patriarchal cooking pot, to cook up a different form of
government.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> ‘And
what was in the pot?’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> ‘A
completely new system of social organization: Schools; wage employment; civil
service; army; parliament; ministers; beer halls; soccer games. A new public
domain of control. These were the essential ingredients of the patriarchal
cooking pot.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> ‘No
food in the patriarchal cooking pot?’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> ‘No.
It was more ideological than gastronomical.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> ‘And
the pot was only for men?’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> ‘Exactly.
The public domain was only for men, and women were kept out. Women had to stay in
the home and in the village, which became the domestic domain. This foreign
system was called colonial government, and it’s aim was to put men in charge.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> ‘And
did the Europeans succeed?’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> ‘It
took them sixty years, but they successfully disempowered and subordinated the
women, and put the men in charge. Having fully established this male colonial
government, they left in 1964. All record of women’s earlier dominance was expunged
from the history books.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> ‘But
today, at this late stage,’ wondered Kupela, ‘can we still return to our old
traditional values, our earlier prosperity, and chase these hopeless playful men
out of government?’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> ‘Of
course we can!’ declared Sara. ‘And the revolution has already begun with the
famous victory of our brave sisters, the heroic Shepolopolo!’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> ‘And
what should we call this new revolution?’ wondered Kupela.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> ‘It
shall be called,’ declared Sara, ‘The Struggle for Independence’. </span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<br /></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01973714560572754392noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1490143020208972177.post-16196535667492329662013-11-19T21:36:00.001+02:002013-11-19T21:36:33.455+02:00Perfect Fraud<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj05GnKrd0rSZFnpZdoNP430r0ttmrVwhz1etWM00BqlZWpYw2OVq5MnSywjNjJuRjaTWdhIqqAw6Lk_eZEnyRb-LSNFFfOZRcMnjGIrVAp6GyyyKIswAJl-EhQ6WIYzfalahqfNniaACE/s1600/kalaki+Perfect+fraud.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj05GnKrd0rSZFnpZdoNP430r0ttmrVwhz1etWM00BqlZWpYw2OVq5MnSywjNjJuRjaTWdhIqqAw6Lk_eZEnyRb-LSNFFfOZRcMnjGIrVAp6GyyyKIswAJl-EhQ6WIYzfalahqfNniaACE/s640/kalaki+Perfect+fraud.jpg" width="548" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
<div align="center" class="MsoNormalCxSpFirst" style="text-align: center;">
<b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 48.0pt;">Perfect Fraud<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">‘I feel sorry
for Stiffen Mususha,’ said Kupela. ‘One minute he’s an honorable minister and
the next minute he’s a dishonorable scoundrel.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘Half
a minute,’ I said, ‘he had a forged certificate saying he was qualified as an accountant,
when in fact he was only qualified as an acrobat.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘That’s
not true,’ said Kupela. ‘He had a certificate from NIPA saying that he had been
awarded a DA. It was not his fault if his employers didn’t know that NIPA stood
for National Institute for Performing Arts, and that his DA was a Diploma in
Acrobatics rather than Accountancy.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘Huh,’
I scoffed. ‘He willfully deceived them.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘It
was their fault if they didn’t check with NIPA. Maybe his employers knew very
well what they were doing. Some of them deliberately recruit acrobats into
their accountancy department to turn the books upside down, so that profit
turns into loss. Such creative accounting is just like high wire acrobatics;
everybody laughs and cheers as the acrobat walks off with their money. The
copper mines all pay high salaries to acrobatic accountants.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘But
he cheated.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘Really
Daddy,’ laughed Kupela. ‘Accountants are employed to cheat the ZRA. How can you
criticize him for having the most important basic qualification?’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘Well,
he was not fit to be an honorable minister!’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘None of them are honorable!’ laughed Kupela. ‘The
only difference between him and the other ministers was that he actually qualified
to do the job he was given. As Minister of Acrobatics, he was the only minister
with a relevant certificate. And his acrobatics was so good that he could walk
on his hands just as well as on his feet, and so convincingly that nobody was
quite sure which end was which, or which end he was talking out of. And when he
joined a dancing queen on the dance floor he was so acrobatic that nobody could
tell which was the dancing queen and which was the minister, especially when the
two of them were thoroughly entwined in his famous Erotic Dance of Ecstatic
Coition.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘I
don’t care how you try to twist the argument,’ I growled, ‘we don’t want people
who cheat and deceive to get into politics.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘Hah!’
Kupela hooted. ‘Now your argument has become ridiculous! There’s no other way
of getting into politics. Don’t you know that the election victory of the
Punching Fist was achieved by pure fraud?’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘Really?’
I said. ‘You mean Michael Sata doesn’t have a Standard Four Certificate?’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘I
wouldn’t know about that,’ she laughed. ‘But I do know that the PF Manifesto
was Perfect Fraud.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘On
the contrary,’ I said, ‘the Punching Fist Manifesto was a very straightforward
statement of what they intended to do when they got into office. And they’re
making progress. Where’s the fraud?’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘It’s
all in the other one, the Perfect Fraud Manifesto!’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘I’ve
never seen that one!’ I laughed.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘Nobody
ever has! The Punching Fist Manifesto was seen but not heard. The Perfect Fraud
Manifesto was heard but not seen. It was proclaimed from the anthill.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘And
that made it fraud?’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘It
kept changing, from one anthill to the next. At least Mususha kept the same
certificate and stuck by it. He didn’t keep changing it, or producing new ones wherever
he went.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘But
why do you call this anthill manifesto Perfect Fraud’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘At
each venue it changed according to what people wanted to hear. It didn’t depend
on principles, but only longitude and latitude.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘That’s
politics,’ I laughed. ‘Windfall tax - no windfall tax. Barotse agreement – Barotse treason. Chinese go – Chinese stay. Money in your pocket – Money in my pocket. 90 days – 90 years. Politicians are allowed
to change their policies, but they’re not allowed to change their certificates.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘Oh
yes they are!’ cackled Kupela. ‘It’s common in government for the issuing
authority to change a certificate. Nowadays you can apply to the ACC to get a
certificate certifying that you’re immune from investigation for corruption.
This is a very valuable certificate, and a great honor conferred by the highest
authority, and it automatically and vastly increases your earning capacity - far
more so than a mere Ph.D.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘You’re
confusing two things,’ I said. ‘What you’re talking about is a license, not a
certificate. A license can be granted or withdrawn at the discretion of the
issuing authority, depending on your behaviour. For example, a radio station
license can be withdrawn if the station makes the mistake of interviewing an
opposition party leader. But a certificate cannot be withdrawn.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘Nonsense,’
snorted Kupela. ‘A certificate is just the same! In fact, after NIPA issued
Mususha with his certificate, they were the very same ones who withdrew it!’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘But
that was because he used it for accountancy instead of acrobatics!’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘But
now he had become an honorable minister,’ retorted Kupels, ‘so they could have
given him an honorary doctorate in accountancy if they had wanted to!’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘How
can an institute of acrobatics confer a doctorate in accountancy?’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘The
folly of institutes and universities,’ sneered Kupela, ‘knows no bounds. I
remember one former president who had a certificate that was a complete fraud,
but a university solved the problem by giving him an honorary doctorate in law.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘You’ve
got the story wrong again,’ I laughed. ‘The certificate you’re talking about
was not a fraud, it was a genuine certificate and properly gained. The only
problem was that he had changed his name to fit the name on the certificate,
which didn’t belong to him.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘So,’
said Kupela slowly, ‘it wasn’t the certificate that was a fraud, it was him!’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘You’ve
got it!’ I said.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘So
was he sent to prison?’ she asked.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘No,’
I said. ‘He was given the honorary doctorate.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘I
rest my case,’ she replied.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01973714560572754392noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1490143020208972177.post-29565768600251980592013-11-13T00:32:00.001+02:002013-11-13T11:47:12.626+02:00Never Mind the Cadres<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQsERjQjB6y_wKOt_ExvdVAH2DnzQYUXq_8TSmMEPHzeIIJal-L_bjuipVMDqyJ4lKQKHCTZCg9vhjW4dg6mOFU80WCmJsd3iKgehCswUKPiDBb45cE6kwu6QFfwNNwf9QsPOH9DixUYo/s1600/never+mind+the+cadres.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQsERjQjB6y_wKOt_ExvdVAH2DnzQYUXq_8TSmMEPHzeIIJal-L_bjuipVMDqyJ4lKQKHCTZCg9vhjW4dg6mOFU80WCmJsd3iKgehCswUKPiDBb45cE6kwu6QFfwNNwf9QsPOH9DixUYo/s640/never+mind+the+cadres.jpg" width="514" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
<div align="center" class="MsoNormalCxSpFirst" style="text-align: center;">
<b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 36.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Never Mind the Cadres<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">‘This breakfast
is terrible,’ said Christine, as she looked up from her morning newspaper.
‘Even the mealie-meal porridge isn’t properly cooked.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘Huh,’
growled Michael, as he scowled at his i-pad, ‘You’re the one in charge of the
kitchen, I’ve got the whole country to run.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘That’s
the problem,’ said Christine. ‘Your party cadres have taken over the kitchen.
Those women from Petauke were all excellent cooks, but last week they were chased by a gang of your party thugs. And your cardres are useless, all they can cook is
chicken and nshima, and the nshima is lumpy.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘Look,
Christine,’ said Michael, putting his head in his hands, ‘For Christ sake give
me a break. I have the whole country to run, and all you can do is complain
about the kitchen staff.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘Excuse
me,’ said Christine. ‘An ignorant gang of your party thugs armed with pangas
have taken over my kitchen, and you’re telling me it’s nothing to do with you?
Then tell me, who is the one responsible?’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘Try
to understand,’ he said, looking up grimly from the bad news on Watchdog, ‘We
promised in our manifesto to give jobs to unemployed youths…’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘Did
you promise to put them in my kitchen?’ asked Christine, her voice rising.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘You
don’t understand these things,’ growled Michael. ‘The president’s kitchen is of
the highest strategic importance. The previous cooks were a security risk, all of
them were MMD stalwarts who could have poisoned me. We promised in our
manifesto to put our faithful party members in all the important government
positions.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘From
what you say,’ sneered Christine, ‘it seems that the only promises you
have kept are the silly ones. And as for poisoning,’ she said, prodding her
finger disdainfully into the cold grey porridge, ‘I may already be in need of a
stomach pump.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘I’m
not willing to listen to this kichen tittle-tattle anymore!’ shouted Michael, ‘If
you’ve got any more questions about party matters, go and talk to Splinter
Kapimbe, he’s the one in charge of party matters. I have important matters of
state to attend to.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘Such
as what?’ she wondered. ‘Everyday you spend hours up there in your office, with
a long queue of people waiting. What are you doing all the time?’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘They’re
all looking for jobs, and waving the damn manifesto in my face. Even you, I’ve
got your latest list of twenty-four nieces and nephews looking for jobs in the
foreign service.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘Each
embassy,’ said Christine, ‘has a first secretary, a second secretary and a
third secretary.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘I
know that,’ he growled. ‘All the vacancies have been filled.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘But
you could have a first assistant to the first secretary, and a second assistant
to the first secretary and so on. Then a first assistant to the second
secretary and a second assistant to the second secretary and a …<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘Well
done, my dear, I'd never thought of that. I’m sorry I shouted at you. You really are my best advisor. I’ll
make an announcement later this morning that I have just created another
thousand jobs…’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> But
as they were talking there was a terrible racket of shouting and banging from
the kitchen, and then running into the breakfast room came a gang of ruffians
wielding kitchen knives and rolling pins! Crash! They went out as fast as they came in, straight through
the French windows. They were closely followed by a rival gang of murderous
looking thugs wielding pangas and carrying a coffin, who also disappeared
through the same French windows shouting ‘<i>Fipayefye!
Fipayefye!</i>’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘So
how do you explain that!’ shouted Christine. ‘<i>Fipayefye?</i> Is that why they’re called the PF?’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘Never mind them,’ said Michael. ‘Just ignore them. Splinter knows what he’s doing. Perhaps he’s cleansing
the party from anti-party elements that have infiltrated from the opposition.
Or maybe it’s normal militia training. Or it could just be rival party factions
quarreling over the food in the kitchen…’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> But
as he spoke, his phone rang. ‘His Excellency here,’ replied Michael. ‘What …
The B-Team has taken over the airport? … Ten people dead? What do you expect me
to do? This is State House, not a funeral parlour … You sort it out or I’ll
sort you out!’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> Michael
turned to his wife. ‘That Sillyman Jelly has lost control of his bowels again!
Why is asking me for instructions?’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘I
thought that’s why you appointed him,’ said Christine. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> Again
the phone rang. ‘His Excellency here … What? … the C-Team has captured Soweto
Market … Receiving reports of a massacre? … Just arrest them for spreading
false rumours calculated to cause general alarm and despondency … And don’t
disturb me again, I’m preparing for my Weekly Announcement of New
Appointments!’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘That
silly whimpering Libonge Libonga,’ snarled Michael, 'she can’t take a decision
for herself.'<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘I
thought that’s why you appointed her,’ said Christine. ‘But what on Earth is
going on? The B-Team taking over the airport and the C-Team taking over the
markets? Is this a panga government? I see that your man Splinter is not called
Splinter for nothing! The entire country is falling apart!’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘Don’t
worry,’ said Michael, completely unperturbed. ‘It’s nothing like that. The
party is just practicing for Splinter’s new constitution, when the A-Team will
be in charge of State House, the B-Team in charge of parliament, the C-team in
charge of the Supreme Court and the …<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘And
the panga in charge of everybody!’ said Christine irritably, as she stood up
and folded her napkin.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘Are
you off?’ asked Michael. ‘Where are you going?’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘I
just thought,’ she said, ‘I should go and have a look at the progress on building our retirement house.’</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<br /></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01973714560572754392noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1490143020208972177.post-77815091139660725302013-11-06T08:58:00.003+02:002013-11-08T11:50:29.529+02:00The A Team!<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdHMGBkZXe_1GKaWPN4F2f3xxW2Sq4IYVi19jUfo3NJJeHYTl49u9XT8zwr3nPhB42n6NMBIUDna_pS3p2TaGPgu541N30WBlQ7TanoqU3pFCVuw9ghrWod3qBPJPVu9VbpLEdAYIB1OY/s1600/Kalaki+A+team.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdHMGBkZXe_1GKaWPN4F2f3xxW2Sq4IYVi19jUfo3NJJeHYTl49u9XT8zwr3nPhB42n6NMBIUDna_pS3p2TaGPgu541N30WBlQ7TanoqU3pFCVuw9ghrWod3qBPJPVu9VbpLEdAYIB1OY/s640/Kalaki+A+team.jpg" width="512" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
<div align="center" class="MsoNormalCxSpFirst" style="text-align: center;">
<b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 48.0pt; line-height: 115%;">The A-Team<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> On
board the Challenger jet sat the A-Team in all their impressive glory. In the
centre of the aircraft, on his gold-plated throne, sat the Leader of the
A-Team, His Excellency Cycle Mata. On his right, on a little wooden stool, sat
his Minister for Nonsense and Disasters, Wobbly Dotty Scotty. On his left,
sitting on the toilet, was the Smelly Hatchet Man, the frightening Splinter
Kapimbe.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> ‘Well,’
said Cycle Mata, ‘Why are we going to Mansa, what’s the problem there?’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> ‘By-election,’
said Hatchet Man. ‘The forces of darkness and evil are plotting to take over
the entire constituency by capturing votes which rightly belong to the Punching
Fist. The opposition has been using Mansa Community Radio to claim that the PF is
really the Bufi Party.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> ‘So
what’s our plan?’ said Cycle Mata.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> ‘We
could offer to supply electricity to all the local primary schools,’ suggested Dotty
Scotty.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> ‘Don’t
be silly,’ snapped Cycle Mata. ‘We promised that in the previous election. That’s
why they’re calling us the Bufi Party.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> ‘The
answer is simple,’ snarled Hatchet Man. ‘We just declare a state of emergency,
lock up the opposition and cancel all by-elections.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> ‘Too
grand a plan,’ cackled Cycle Mata, ‘I’m saving that one for later. This is just
a preliminary operation. We shall just move in quickly, cancel the radio
station license and arrest the station manager on suspicion of drug trafficking.
Dotty, go and ask the pilot for our expected time of arrival so I can make some
preliminary arrangements.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> Two
minutes later Dotty Scotty came wobbling back from the pilot’s cabin, his face
even more pale than usual. ‘There’s nobody there!’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> ‘What
are you talking about, you old fool!’ shouted Cycle Mata.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> ‘The
cabin is empty. His parachute is missing.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> ‘He’s
Bemba,’ said Hatchet Man darkly. ‘He’s joined the B-Team.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> ‘But
look at those clouds all around us,’ said Cycle Mata, as he looked out of the
window. ‘We’re still up in the air!’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> Dotty
Scotty peered out of the window. ‘Those clouds are not moving!’ But even as he
spoke, the clouds cleared and they could see that the plane was sitting on dry
land.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> ‘Thank
God for the autopilot,’ laughed Cycle Mata rather nervously. ‘We’ve arrived safely
at Mansa Airport!’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> And
so they stepped down from the Challenger, only to find no welcoming party, no
salutes, no bootlickers, no dancing girls and no party thugs. Over in the
distance they could see a queue of people going through a large gate. A gateman
seemed to be in charge.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> ‘Iwe
malonda, bwela!’ shouted Cycle Mata rudely at the gateman, as the old man in a
long white beard came slowly over. ‘Iwe, mudala, where is the DC, where is the
Paramount Chief Mwata Kazembe, where is our convoy of Mercedes?’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> ‘No,
no, no,’ said the old man. ‘It looks like your plane must have crashed. I am St
Peter, and you have arrived at the Pearly Gates of Heaven!’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> Now
Cycle turned to whisper to his two chola boys. ‘This is the Master Plan we
need. If we can just get in to see God he can work a few miracles for us. Put
money in Mansa pockets. Give them jobs overnight. Put nurses and medicines in
the clinics. All the things we promised in ninety days, nice Old God can do it
for us in a flash of lightening. This could be the solution to all our problems!
We can win the by-election after all!’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> So
now Cycle Mata turned to the gateman, ‘Well malonda, or whatever you call
yourself, just let us in through your Pearly Gate so we can go and talk to your
Paramount Chief. People of our stature can’t waste time talking to the malonda
at the gate!’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> ‘I’m
in charge of issuing visas,’ said St Peter calmly. ‘You have to apply
beforehand. Some people wait years to get in here. Even Archbishop Milungu has
been waiting more than ten years.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> ‘Piffle
and nonsense my man,’ sneered Dotty Scotty. ‘Look at that crowd of people just
walking in straight through the gate. I don’t see any sign of visas!’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> ‘They
are poor people from Zambia,’ explained St Peter. ‘We have a special Memorandum
of Understanding with their Ministry of Health to let them straight in. They
are innocent souls who have suffered enough, and automatically qualify for
Heaven. For them all visa requirements have been waived.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> ‘Ha
ha,’ scoffed Hatchet Man, ‘We’re also from Zambia. And we’re not just Zeds like
those bedraggled ruffians and street kids, we are the A-Team!’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> ‘A-Team?’
wondered St Peter. ‘What does this ‘A’ stand for?’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> ‘We
are at the top!’ explained Dotty Scotty. ‘Those Zeds are at the bottom! We are
the ruling class! We have diplomatic passports, we don’t even need visas! We
have all the privileges! We have the money and the power!’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> ‘It
is easier,’ said St Peter, ‘for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle
than for a rich man to enter into the Kingdom of Heaven.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> Dotty
Scotty whispered under this breath ‘These damn villagers talk in riddles.’ But
turning to St Peter he said ‘Look, old chap, let’s do a deal. You give us the
visas and we’ll give you the contract for the new road from Chama to Mongu.
Half the contract price up front! How’s that?’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> ‘Oh?’
said St Peter. ‘Why didn’t you say that was the sort of deal you’re looking
for? Then you’ve come to the wrong place. Let me explain to you where to go.
You see those stone steps over there at the edge of the cliff. Walk over to
those steps and keep going down until you reach the place where such
arrangements are organized.’ <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
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<div align="center" class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-align: center;">
<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">[Partly based on a storyline
suggestion from facebooker Nelson Langford Ndhlovu]<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01973714560572754392noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1490143020208972177.post-66853342582473103462013-10-30T09:46:00.000+02:002013-10-30T09:46:37.798+02:00Speech day in Muchinga<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 36.0pt;">Speech Day in
Muchinga<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Sara and I had come to Speech Day at
Muchinga Secondary School, to witness our grandson Kondwa being awarded the
prize for mathematics. All the teachers were sitting at the back of the stage
as the Headmaster walked to the front.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘Ladies and gentlemen,’ he began, ‘I
am the Headmaster, Mr Noplan Chimbwi, and I am pleased to welcome you to the
celebration of our greatest achievements during the past year. Behind me you
see the rest of the staff who work closely with me in bringing your children to
a bright and prosperous future. Ours is a closely knit team, working in close
agreement and harmony to achieve the great ideals of this long established and
distinguished academy, always remembering our resounding motto One Muchinga,
One School, One Headmaster. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> <i>‘I
hope the old fart gets a move on,’ Sara whispered in my ear.<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div align="left" class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘To give you some examples of the
latest developments in our school,’ continued Chimbwi, ‘I ask our Deputy
Headmaster, Mr Scotty Cholaboy, to join me here at the podium. As he spoke a
bent figure in a faded salaula suit shuffled to the front, and groveled and
slobbered before the headmaster. ‘Tell me, Cholaboy,’ rasped Chimbwi, ‘What
have you been working on recently?’ <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘I’ve been buying second-hand books
for the library, Headmaster.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘You’ve been doing <i>WHAT?’ </i>screeched Chimbwi. ‘Why have you
been doing that?’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘I know it’s a long time ago since the
school was able to buy books, Headmaster. But these second-hand books are very
cheap.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> Chimbwi now looked round at the other
teachers. ‘Can someone tell this old fool why we can’t buy books?’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> A hand shot up. ‘Because, Headmaster,
the book allocation is being spent on your fuel allowance.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘Nonsense! Shut up! Leave the room!
Don’t come back!’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="left" class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> <i>‘Where
is all the unity and harmony?’ Sara whispered.<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> Now an ancient old man hobbled to the
front, with the help of a stick. ‘Ah, at last, our History Teacher, Mr PaModzi
Munshumfwa. I’m sure he can help us.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘During colonial times,’ explained
Munshumfwa, ‘this library was full of many books. Subversive books. Scurrilous
books. Seditious books. Revolutionary books. The students read these books, and
rebelled, and took over the school. We must never make the same mistake as the
colonial authorities!’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘Exactly,’ said Chimbwi, as Old
Munshumfwa hobbled back to his seat. ‘And you, Dotty Cholaboy, try to stay
awake in staff meetings in future. Now tell us, what is our policy on books in
the library?’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘No second-hand books,’ muttered
Scotty.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘No!’ screeched Chimbwi, ‘No books at
all!’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘Very sorry for my awful mistake,’
groveled Scotty, as he shuffled back to his seat.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘<i>They
shouldn’t have let in the parents,’ said Sara, ‘just to see them quarreling
amongst themselves.’<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘The only books allowed in the
library,’ shouted Chimbwi, ‘are the Bible and the School Rules. Now let us hope
we get a better report from our Communications Teacher. What have you been
doing, Mr Manuel Mwalwe Mwalwe?’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘I have put up new notice boards for
students to express their opinions, analyse current affairs, and to ask
questions of others.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘What!’ squealed Chimbwi. ‘As
Headmaster, I am the one in charge of information dissemination. All
information must first be approved by me and then put on the Headmaster’s
Notice Board.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘No,’ said Manuel calmly. ‘We have the
Independent Board Authority which authorises other groups to have their own
noticeboards.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘All Independence rests in me as the
Headmaster,’ growled Chimbwi, ‘So your Independent Board Authority is cancelled
immediately, and so is your job. Shut up. Go away. Never come back. Shooo!’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="left" class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> <i>‘It
looks to me,’ said Sara, ‘as if this Headmaster has completely lost control of
his staff and has no idea of what’s going on.’</i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘Good gracious,’ growled the
Headmaster, as he turned back to his audience, now restless and muttering
amongst themselves. ‘Let’s hope there is better news from the Maths Department.
I call upon Mr Redhot Piri Piri to explain the latest developments in maths
teaching.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘In this modern world,’ began Piri
Piri, ‘we’re teaching modern mathematics, such as set theory…’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘Sex theory!’ shrieked Chimbwi, ‘I
don’t want any homosexuals here!’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="left" class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘I said set theory,’ said Piri Piri. ‘It’s
about how we analyze the mathematical relationship between members of different
overlapping groups.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘Different groups!’ shouted Chimbwi.
‘What are you talking about! This is subversive talk! This is seditious! The
motto of this school is One Muchinga, One School, One Headmaster. We’re not
supposed to have different groups!’ <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="left" class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Now
his arms began to wave wildly, his face went purple, and he began to march up
and down the stage howling ‘So now I see it! You are the one behind all this! You
have foolishly revealed yourself! You are the divisive influence! You’ve been
dividing this school into groups and cliques, plotting against me, trying to
bring me down! Well let me tell you that before this day is out I’ll…’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> But as he was ranting on, two men in
white coats came onto the stage. Each took him gently by an arm and guided him,
still ranting, down the steps and out of the hall. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="left" class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Then
onto the stage waddled the ample figure of the School Matron, Ms Christine
Award Winner. ‘Ladies and gentlemen,’ she said, ‘I do apologize for that. Our
dear Headmaster is not feeling very well, so he has asked me to distribute the School
Prizes on his behalf…’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> But by now the school hall was more
than half empty, as parents scurried out with their children, quite frightened
by their strange experience.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="left" class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> <i>‘If
we all run away,’ I said, ‘that’ll be the end of his career as a Headmaster.’<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div align="left" class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘From
what I’ve seen,’ laughed Sara, ‘It’ll be no great loss.’</span></i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">[Story
line suggested to Kalaki by Facebooker Victor Kabwe]<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
GRACE Research Zambia By KISShttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15344763094195622464noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1490143020208972177.post-41215356471440654442013-10-22T20:32:00.001+02:002013-10-22T20:56:27.247+02:00Charlotte's Diary<div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 48.0pt;">Charlotte’s
Diary</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Monday<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Oh Dear Diary, </span></i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">My poor old
Scotty looked such a mess when he came to breakfast this morning, still in his
dressing gown, unshaven and confused. The first thing he did was to knock the sugar
bowl onto the floor. ‘Who put the damn sugar bowl there?’ he shouted.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="left" class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">‘You’ve
forgotten your glasses,’ I said gently.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="left" class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">‘Enema!’
he shouted for one of the servants. ‘Enema!’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="left" class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">‘Darling,’
I said, ‘her name’s not Enema, it’s Enela. I’ll go and get your glasses. We
must learn to become self-reliant. We won’t always be living in this house with
twenty-seven servants.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="left" class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">‘We’re
the servants of the people,’ he cackled, ‘so we have to be looked after
properly.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="left" class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">When
I came back he was trying to read <i>The Pest</i>.
‘I don’t seem to look very well in this picture,’ he whined. ‘Are they trying
to make me look silly?’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="left" class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">‘You’ve
got the newspaper upside down,’ I said. ‘Try it again after putting on your
reading glasses. And here are your false teeth, they will help you tackle the
cornflakes.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Oh Dear Diary, </span></i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">He used to be so
handsome and energetic. Never marry a man twenty years older than yourself.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Tuesday<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> </span></b><i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Oh Dear Diary, </span></i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Another struggle with My Old Man
at breakfast. At least he arrived with his teeth and spectacles, but his eyes
were bloodshot, his breath was poisonous, and the wobble had returned to his
right arm.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="left" class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘Have you taken the pills for your
wobbly right arm, dear?’ I asked him gently.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘Useless fart of a doctor, his bloody
pills don’t work,’ he snorted. So saying, he took a hip flask out of this
dressing gown, and poured whisky all over his cornflakes. ‘This should do the
trick’ he chuckled. ‘What’s on my programme today?’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘You’ve got all day to try to make
yourself look presentable,’ I said. ‘This evening you have go to another gala
dinner, Christine is being given another award.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘What for this time?’ he growled.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘She’s being given the award for being
the Woman with the Most Awards.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘Is Michael going?’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘No,’ I laughed, ‘He’s resting. He’s
not a young man like you to be gallivanting around to all these award ceremonies.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> That evening I dressed him up in his
dark grey suit. It didn’t fit properly on his hunched back, but the sleeves were
long enough to hide his wobbly hand.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> <i>Oh Dear Diary, </i>Sometimes I remember those
young men that courted me at college.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Wednesday</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> <i>Dear
Diary, </i>Last night my Old Man never reached his bed. He was brought home
unconscious from the gala dinner, and left to sleep it off on the sofa. Strangely
enough, this made his appearance at breakfast more presentable. When he finally
woke up and staggered towards the breakfast table he was still wearing his
suit, spectacles and teeth from the night before. Although he did have some
trouble eating his cornflakes because he spent a long time finding his wobbly
hand in his long sleeve.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘There is a report here in <i>The Pest</i>,’ I said grimly, ‘of your
behaviour at the gala dinner. It says that you defended the government by
saying <i>We men know what we’re doing.
We’re not like women quarreling about which one has been sleeping with
somebody’s husband.’<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘I don’t remember saying that.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘That’s the remarkable thing about
you. You can never remember saying anything. Especially after insulting all the
women in the country, including your wife who works hard to make you look
normal. According to <i>The Pest</i> report,
your statement came straight after several members of the cabinet had a fight
about who was sleeping with somebody’s wife. And then, after your heroic
statement that <i>We men know what we are
doing</i>, you collapsed and were carried out.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> ‘Really Lotty,’ he replied, sounding
genuinely hurt, ‘you know what the doctor said about my brain not being properly
connected to my legs. You should be more sympathetic.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> <i>Dear
Diary, </i>The real problem is that his brain is not properly connected to his
tongue. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Thursday<i><o:p></o:p></i></span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> When my poor Old Dotty came to the
breakfast table this morning, he seemed confused, but got my name right on the
third attempt. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">‘Look
at this headline in <i>The Pest, </i>I said.
‘You told parliament that some of your cabinet colleagues are corrupt. Have you
gone completely mad?’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">‘Not
at all,’ he said. ‘I was defending my friend Kapimbe, who had previously said
the same thing.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">‘But
why defend him? Is he not going to be fired?’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">‘I
have to defend him, because he is supposed to take over from me, so I can
retire. That was the original arrangement. But if he is fired, I shall be stuck
with this job until I die.’ Tears ran down his wrinkled old face and dripped
into his breakfast whisky.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Don’t
tell anybody, <i>Dear Diary, </i>but next
time I shall marry a younger man, energetic and witty. I already have my eye on
Spectator Kalaki.</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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